{"id":2215,"date":"2008-08-06T08:56:15","date_gmt":"2008-08-06T12:56:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/?p=2215"},"modified":"2008-08-06T08:56:15","modified_gmt":"2008-08-06T12:56:15","slug":"can-you-smell-what-the-rock-is-cooking","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/can-you-smell-what-the-rock-is-cooking","title":{"rendered":"Can you smell what the rock is cooking?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Our yard has always been a disaster; my brother, our neighbors and I used to play soccer out there as kids, leaving it looking a lot like the Sea of Tranquility. When my dad moved back in in 1988, he must have sodded the whole thing, because it looked like a fairway at Augusta for a while. But then it fell into disrepair, and the 30- and 40-foot-high trees make so much shade that grass has never really taken root.<\/p>\n

Amy & I have talked for a while about getting some real landscaping done, but I decided to launch a pre-emptive strike yesterday and start beautifyin’ on my own. Little did I realize it would lead . . . to the end of the world!<\/p>\n

I decided that several of the trees, with their blast-radius of shade, would be best served by mulch and a ring of rocks. After walking Rufus in the morning, I moved a number of rocks from the backyard to build a little (4-foot diameter) ring around one of the trees by the street. The temperature at 7am was amenable and the work went quickly. So it made perfect Bizarro sense to take a half day from work and build a much bigger ring around an island of trees in the middle of the afternoon when it was 87 degrees!<\/p>\n

To be fair, it was exactly one hour of non-stop work, hauling rocks from the backyard and digging out embedded rocks from around that island of trees. I thought, “I sure am glad that I’m a trade magazine editor and not a landscaper!”<\/p>\n

I had a funny recollection of my youth during the work. As I tossed some of the heavier rocks in the back yard into my wheelbarrow, they struck each other and gave off a smell of gunpowder. I have no idea if high sulfur content is a unique aspect to rocks around here, or if the rest of you have childhood memories of smashing two rocks together in an attempt at creating an explosion. All things considered, I find it remarkable that I managed not to lose any fingers or suffer brain damage as a kid.<\/p>\n

In the front yard, I had to dig out a dozen or so rocks that were embedded in the area that I was trying to ring off. Rather than covering them over, I figured they could be used for the ring itself. The only problem was, some of these rocks were iceberg-like, with significant mass buried under the surface. I was able to pivot some of them along the ground out to the perimeter. To others, I said, “Screw you; you’re staying. Enjoy the mulch, bitches!”<\/p>\n

I noticed that these had more lichen on them than the others, but again, I have no idea what that means. Outside of the fact that I live in the wake of a glacier’s retreat.<\/p>\n

But it wasn’t these lichenous rocks that portended the end of the world. Nor was it the gunpowder-laden stones and their promise of Pinto-bumper explosions. It was The Hidden Rock.<\/p>\n

While digging, I hauled up a large ovoid rock that was half-out of the ground. It was heavy, but not impossible to lift. Looking at it, I discovered that it had several long fissures on its surface. Already inspired by my childhood, I concluded the best thing to do would be to throw it down on another rock and wish that I was wearing my safety-glasses.<\/p>\n

And the rock shattered. Well, it didn’t actually shatter; what shattered was the exterior shell<\/em> of the rock. Like some fragile matrushka doll, what remained was a smoother rock (upper right)<\/em>, marred slightly by the impact that freed it, beside the shards of its carapace:<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Sure, I’m given to flights of fancy and maybe there’s an easy geological explanation for this occurrence. But it’s clear to me that I discovered<\/p>\n

a) one of the sefirot<\/a>, surrounded by one of the qlipot<\/a>,<\/p>\n

b) the egg of Quetzalcoatl<\/a>, the feathered serpent<\/a>,<\/p>\n

c) a meteor,<\/p>\n

d) an early, failed attempt at the M&M concept,<\/p>\n

e) a prehistoric spaceship, bearing small rocky people from their doomed planet, or<\/p>\n

f) the Philosopher’s stone, which was never found because no one ever looks in New Jersey.<\/p>\n

All we can know for sure is that it now helps round out the ring of rocks in my front yard, and that I really need to drink more water before working out in the yard in August.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Our yard has always been a disaster; my brother, our neighbors and I used to play soccer out there as kids, leaving it looking a lot like the Sea of Tranquility. When my dad moved back in in 1988, he must have sodded the whole thing, because it looked like a fairway at Augusta for … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “Can you smell what the rock is cooking?”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2215","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-suburbs"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4C7K-zJ","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":5469,"url":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/dirty-water-dog","url_meta":{"origin":2215,"position":0},"title":"Dirty Water Dog","author":"Gil","date":"July 29, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"I'm taking Thursday and Friday off and having a mini-stay-at-home-vacation. This morning, I took the dogs for a hike up to Ramapo Lake. I thought the weather was mild, but then I'm not covered in fur. Well, not as much fur as they're covered in. So when we got to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Adventures in Rufus and\/or Otis"","block_context":{"text":"Adventures in Rufus and\/or Otis","link":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/category\/adventures-in-rufus-and-or-otis"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":971,"url":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/xcavate-men","url_meta":{"origin":2215,"position":1},"title":"X(cavate)-Men","author":"Gil","date":"May 29, 2006","format":false,"excerpt":"Oh, sure: Amy & I could have spent Memorial Day at a nice party at Breezy Point, in Brooklyn. But wouldn't we have even more fun if I spent a second straight day excavating a portion of my backyard? In 88-degree weather? 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