{"id":4617,"date":"2009-10-31T08:54:26","date_gmt":"2009-10-31T12:54:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/?p=4617"},"modified":"2010-02-16T16:45:31","modified_gmt":"2010-02-16T21:45:31","slug":"dont-tase-my-pumpkin-bro-or-you-look-like-a-man-o-lantern","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/dont-tase-my-pumpkin-bro-or-you-look-like-a-man-o-lantern","title":{"rendered":"Don’t Tase My Pumpkin, Bro! (Or, You Look Like a Man-O-Lantern)"},"content":{"rendered":"

I haven’t posted a trip to the Drew Friedmanizer<\/a> in a long time, but this morning’s scroll through the Wall Street Journal<\/em> was too tempting:<\/p>\n

\"pumpkinhead.jpg\"<\/a><\/p>\n

The accompanying article<\/a> is about Boulder, CO’s annual naked pumpkin run. It’s a 4-block streak in a city famed for its laid-back, hippyish culture. Apparently, it’s gotten so popular that the police are out to crush it and ruin its participants lives:<\/p>\n

[Police Chief Mark Beckner] will station more than 40 officers on the traditional four-block route tonight, with two SWAT teams patrolling nearby. All have orders to arrest gourd-topped streakers as sex offenders.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

That’s right! He’ll need two<\/em> SWAT teams in place, in case a group of people without clothes<\/em> are armed and dangerous! Way to escalate a situation and just about guarantee violence, you fucking moron! Still, the law’s the law, right? Um . . .<\/p>\n

Casting about for a law to apply, since nudity per se is not illegal, police hit upon the state’s indecent exposure statute, which makes it a Class 1 misdemeanor for anyone to knowingly expose his or her genitals in circumstances “likely to cause affront or alarm.”<\/p>\n

Given that the Naked Pumpkin Run starts at 11 p.m., long after young trick-or-treaters have retired, and given that the route is packed with fans who come out specifically to see the event, runners argue that it’s absurd to think their prank is causing either affront or alarm.<\/p>\n

Even if the run does catch a few people by surprise, “the joy it brings overall far outweighs the one or two people who could be offended,” says Callie Webster, who is 22 and a veteran pumpkinhead.<\/p>\n

Police acknowledge they have not been flooded with pumpkin-run-related complaints, but say that’s beside the point. A throng of naked people with jack-o-lanterns on their heads is, by definition, an alarming sight, Chief Beckner says. Therefore, it’s illegal.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Keep reading<\/a> for more of police chief’s bullshit attitude, which even the mayor and the D.A. find to be over the top. Go, Pumpkinheads!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I haven’t posted a trip to the Drew Friedmanizer in a long time, but this morning’s scroll through the Wall Street Journal was too tempting: The accompanying article is about Boulder, CO’s annual naked pumpkin run. It’s a 4-block streak in a city famed for its laid-back, hippyish culture. Apparently, it’s gotten so popular that … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “Don’t Tase My Pumpkin, Bro! (Or, You Look Like a Man-O-Lantern)”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[58,19],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4617","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-the-drew-friedmanizer","category-urban-issues"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4C7K-1ct","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1760,"url":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/when-you-stare-into-the-drew-friedmanizer","url_meta":{"origin":4617,"position":0},"title":"When you stare into the Drew Friedmanizer…","author":"Gil","date":"November 1, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":". . . sometimes the Drew Friedmanizer blinks.","rel":"","context":"In "The Drew Friedmanizer"","block_context":{"text":"The Drew Friedmanizer","link":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/category\/the-drew-friedmanizer"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/wp-content\/uploads\/imus.gif?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1600,"url":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/just-another-victim-of-the-drew-friedmanizer","url_meta":{"origin":4617,"position":1},"title":"Just another victim of the Drew Friedmanizer","author":"Gil","date":"July 25, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"The good news? Amazon's net profit more than tripled. The bad news? The WSJ broke out the Drew Friedman-izer on Jeff Bezos:","rel":"","context":"In "Big Business"","block_context":{"text":"Big Business","link":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/category\/big-business"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1675,"url":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/the-drew-friedmanizer-strikes-again","url_meta":{"origin":4617,"position":2},"title":"The Drew Friedmanizer strikes again","author":"Gil","date":"September 23, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"According to WSJ, Armani is going into the electronics business, partnering with Samsung. Maybe they can work on a device that'll clear up his skin:","rel":"","context":"In "Big Business"","block_context":{"text":"Big Business","link":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/category\/big-business"},"img":{"alt_text":"Giorgio!","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/wp-content\/uploads\/armani.gif?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1792,"url":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/running-down-that-hill","url_meta":{"origin":4617,"position":3},"title":"Running down that Hill","author":"Gil","date":"November 23, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"I guess the Wall Street Journal has a vested interest in throwing Hillary Clinton through the Drew Friedmanizer like this: Note: I added a \"Drew Friedmanizer\" category to the site, so now you can check out all the posts with these wacky WSJ pictures.","rel":"","context":"In "Politics (explicit)"","block_context":{"text":"Politics (explicit)","link":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/category\/politics-explicit"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/wp-content\/uploads\/hillcli.gif?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2094,"url":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/full-circle","url_meta":{"origin":4617,"position":4},"title":"Full circle!","author":"Gil","date":"June 10, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"I've long goofed that the Wall Street Journal's standard headshot drawings look like they've been put through The Drew Friedmanizer. Today, the WSJ has a headshot by none other than. . . Drew Friedman! That sad part of my \"Drew Friedmanizer\" reference is that Mr. Friedman hasn't used his pointillist\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "basketball"","block_context":{"text":"basketball","link":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/category\/sports\/basketball"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/wp-content\/uploads\/delavegadrew.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":5701,"url":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/a-bit-of-a-stipple","url_meta":{"origin":4617,"position":5},"title":"A bit of a stipple","author":"Gil","date":"October 27, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"The Drew Friedmanizer can be a cruel mistress. Ladies and gentlemen, the Wall Street Journal's hedcut for Hugh Grant: Man, has he let himself go. (Okay, not really.)","rel":"","context":"In "The Drew Friedmanizer"","block_context":{"text":"The Drew Friedmanizer","link":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/category\/the-drew-friedmanizer"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/wp-content\/uploads\/hughgrant.gif?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4617","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4617"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4617\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4619,"href":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4617\/revisions\/4619"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4617"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4617"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4617"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}