{"id":4658,"date":"2009-11-14T22:31:12","date_gmt":"2009-11-15T03:31:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/?p=4658"},"modified":"2009-11-14T22:37:00","modified_gmt":"2009-11-15T03:37:00","slug":"what-goes-on-in-my-tortured-goddamn-psyche","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/what-goes-on-in-my-tortured-goddamn-psyche","title":{"rendered":"What goes on in my tortured goddamn psyche"},"content":{"rendered":"

Last week, I stayed at the Westin Bonaventure in Los Angeles. When I checked in Sunday night after my 6-plus hour flight and hour-long trip from the airport, I was told, “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t have any rooms with king-sized beds available, as per your reservation.”<\/p>\n

“What do you have?”<\/p>\n

“Queens and twin-beds.”<\/p>\n

“I’ll take a queen, then.”<\/p>\n

“Well, the only thing is, all the available rooms with queen beds are right next to elevators, so they’re kind of loud.”<\/p>\n

“. . . Awesome. I’ll take the twin room, then.”<\/p>\n

That night, I met some of my advertiser-pals at the bar in the lobby. As is my wont, I ordered a Hendrick’s & tonic. I took one sip of the drink, and said to my pals, “This isn’t Hendrick’s.”<\/p>\n

“What do you mean?”<\/p>\n

“They’re serving a cheap gin out of that bottle, and they’re getting people to spend $12 because they can’t tell the difference.”<\/p>\n

“You gonna complain?”<\/p>\n

“Nah. The bartender didn’t do it. It’s the second time this has happened to me, and both times were in hotel bars, so I’ve learned my lesson.”<\/p>\n

I had an 8:30 a.m. flight home on Thursday, so I set up a wake-up call with the front desk for 5:45 a.m., then lay myself on the bed diagonally (to keep my feet from dangling over the end) and went to sleep.<\/p>\n

As is also my wont, I had a dream in which I didn’t get the wake-up call. Trust me; business travel breeds this sorta thing.<\/p>\n

(Why I didn’t use the room’s alarm clock, you ask? Because<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. I figured I’d mis-set it and wake up late, and<\/li>\n
  2. as I told one of my advertiser-pals during the conference, “I operate under the assumption that every single object in one’s hotel room has been used for sexual purposes.” I was explaining why I don’t use the in-room coffee-maker, but same principle.)<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    In my dream that morning, I overslept, then woke up too late to make the flight, and called the front desk to rant and rave about how they’d messed up my wakeup call. I threatened to write a scathing review of the hotel and complain to the parent company about how awful the entire stay was.<\/p>\n

    The manager was so distraught that he, um, well, he sent a girl up to my room. This being a dream, I grudgingly took her to bed. We were about to get at it when she told me that was actually a lesbian. I exploded, bellowing, “This entire hotel is predicated on the goddamn bait-and-switch!”<\/em><\/p>\n

    I woke up. It was 5 a.m. The call came right on time, 45 minutes later.<\/p>\n

    The takeaway?<\/p>\n

      \n
    1. I have a tortured goddamn psyche;<\/li>\n
    2. you shouldn’t stay at the Westin Bonaventure in L.A. It’s overpriced and underdelivers.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      Last week, I stayed at the Westin Bonaventure in Los Angeles. When I checked in Sunday night after my 6-plus hour flight and hour-long trip from the airport, I was told, “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t have any rooms with king-sized beds available, as per your reservation.” “What do you have?” “Queens and twin-beds.” … <\/p>\n

      Continue reading “What goes on in my tortured goddamn psyche”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4658","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-travel"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4C7K-1d8","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":3135,"url":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/what-it-is-122908","url_meta":{"origin":4658,"position":0},"title":"What It Is: 12\/29\/08","author":"Gil","date":"December 29, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"What I'm reading: Re-read The Great Gatsby on the flight down to New Orleans, then started Kurt Andersen's second novel, Heyday. It's a fun novel, rolling across America in 1848-9, but it makes the exact same idiotic decision as Michael Clayton (and a bazillion other books and movies): Part 1\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Adventures in Gin"","block_context":{"text":"Adventures in Gin","link":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/category\/adventures-in-gin"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"http:\/\/www.assoc-amazon.com\/e\/ir?t=virtualmemories-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B001EBGJN6","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1969,"url":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/what-it-is-33108","url_meta":{"origin":4658,"position":1},"title":"What It Is: 3\/31\/08","author":"Gil","date":"March 31, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"What I'm reading: Desolation Road by Ian McDonald What I'm listening to: Odd Couple, Gnarls Barkley What I'm watching: NCAA hoops What I'm drinking: nothing, after reaching double-digits in Hendrick's & tonics last week in Philadelphia Where I'm going: no traveling this week! What I'm happy about: Amy & Rufus\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Adventures in Gin"","block_context":{"text":"Adventures in Gin","link":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/category\/adventures-in-gin"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"http:\/\/www.assoc-amazon.com\/e\/ir?t=virtualmemories-20&l=as2&o=1&a=0553270575","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":4663,"url":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/what-it-is-111609","url_meta":{"origin":4658,"position":2},"title":"What It Is: 11\/16\/09","author":"Gil","date":"November 16, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"What I'm reading: Same stuff as last week \u00e2\u20ac\u201d When the Shooting Stops, The Book of Basketball \u00e2\u20ac\u201d and a ton of stories that I'd been saving in my RSS reader. What I'm listening to: Graceland (Paul Simon), Boxer (The National; boy I really adore this record), In Our Nature\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "travel"","block_context":{"text":"travel","link":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/category\/travel"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"http:\/\/www.assoc-amazon.com\/e\/ir?t=virtualmemories-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B001PR13NK","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2109,"url":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/what-it-is-62308","url_meta":{"origin":4658,"position":3},"title":"What It Is: 6\/23\/08","author":"Gil","date":"June 23, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"What I'm reading: I finished Endless Things, by John Crowley, this weekend, but I have so much work to do on my Top Companies issue that I'm probably only going to be reading 10-Ks and annual reports for the next week or so. Oh, and some more Cromartie High School.\u2026","rel":"","context":"With 4 comments","block_context":{"text":"With 4 comments","link":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/what-it-is-62308#comments"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"http:\/\/www.assoc-amazon.com\/e\/ir?t=virtualmemories-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B00140IU9I","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":5364,"url":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/what-it-is-6710","url_meta":{"origin":4658,"position":4},"title":"What It Is: 6\/7\/10","author":"Gil","date":"June 7, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"What I'm reading: Pattern Recognition What I'm listening to: Around the World in a Day, Wake Up the Nation, and The Finest Thing What I'm watching: Extract and In The Loop What I'm drinking: Budweiser Select 55. Don't judge me. I was at an impromptu crawfish boil. See? What Rufus\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Adventures in Gin"","block_context":{"text":"Adventures in Gin","link":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/category\/adventures-in-gin"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"http:\/\/www.assoc-amazon.com\/e\/ir?t=virtualmemories-20&l=as2&o=1&a=0425198685","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":4686,"url":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/what-it-is-112309","url_meta":{"origin":4658,"position":5},"title":"What It Is: 11\/23\/09","author":"Gil","date":"November 23, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"What I'm reading: Finished up When The Shooting Stops ... The Cutting Begins: A Film Editor's Story. The penultimate chapter \u00e2\u20ac\u201d detailing how Annie Hall was salvaged \u00e2\u20ac\u201d was phenomenal. Not sure what my main book will be after that. What I'm listening to: The Cars' Greatest Hits, Coconut Records'\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Adventures in Rufus and\/or Otis"","block_context":{"text":"Adventures in Rufus and\/or Otis","link":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/category\/adventures-in-rufus-and-or-otis"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"http:\/\/www.assoc-amazon.com\/e\/ir?t=virtualmemories-20&l=as2&o=1&a=0306802724","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4658","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4658"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4658\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4662,"href":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4658\/revisions\/4662"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4658"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4658"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/chimeraobscura.com\/vm\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4658"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}