Go, aap!

Been a long time since I had an ape escape story to share with you. (It’s the only reason I have an Apes category on this blog.) Bokito, a 400-lb. gorilla at a zoo in Rotterdam, busted out and tried to snack on a woman’s arm:

“He got over the moat, which in itself is remarkable, because gorillas can’t swim,” Dorrestijn said. “He got onto a path for visitors and started running and went at full speed through tables and diners at the Oranje restaurant.”

They probably should have just lured him into a coffeehouse, gotten him baked, and walked him back to his pen after making a side trip to a convenience store for some snacks.

Track Record

Alan Bacchus at Daily Film Dose offers us a list of great long tracking shots in cinema (with clips)! Because there are 10 bazillion commenters, he’s supplemented the post since it first went up two weeks ago. There are some great ones, so if you like the long tracking shot — I’ve been a sucker for them since I saw The Player when I was in college — check it out.

Unfortunately, this Kylie video doesn’t exactly qualify, but it is ingenious:

Tree’s company

Amy pointed out that my fallen tree photos from yesterday didn’t give much perspective on just how big that thing is/was, so we shot some more this morning:

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I call it “Tree’s Lounge”! Get it?

Anyway, here’s the full set. I busted out the hacksaw this morning to clear out some of the smaller branches, and I’ll start tonight with the electric chainsaw on the bigger limbs. I hope I can work my way back to the base of it by Sunday.

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Dodging Bullets Like Keanu, Part 2

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Or, “Missed by that much.” Seriously, this was a 40′ or 50′ tall tree, and it managed to just miss the house on its way down. I’ll probably post followup pix from when I bust out the trusty electric chainsaw this weekend . . .

(Update: turns out the falling tree took out another tree: a 20-foot-tall one, about 4 or 5 inches in diameter, that was 6 inches away from my window. And yet there’s not a shingle out of place on the house.)

Ten years down the road

This weekend marked my 10-year anniversary at my company. Our standard celebration calls for the anniversaree (?) to bring in bagels for the office, so I hit the Bagel Train this morning and treated my coworkers to some magic.

Since our lives consist of milestones, this anniversary led me to reflect on my workplace and The Workplace, and how this morning’s Montaigne post was about the inconsistency of our lives, but here I am, 10 years from being hired as an associate editor on a magazine called Happi. The irony, of course, being that I was a depressive at 26 years old. Oh, and that my editor and I were voted most likely to take a sniper rifle to the rooftop.

But that was 10 years ago. We’re both still here, much more at ease with who and where we are. I’ve grown up a ton in that span, but I remain pretty childish about some things.

In general, I don’t like to write about the goings-on at work. I find it interminable when people tell stories about their offices, because those tales are so wrapped up in an intimate knowledge of the people and processes in place. So, if I provide a pretty scant take on what goes on from day to day at work, that doesn’t mean there isn’t a lot to do; it just means that it can be esoteric and would likely bore you.

That doesn’t explain why I persist with those Montaigne posts, but hey.

Monday Morning Montaigne: Of the inconsistency of our actions

I read The Biographer’s Tale in 2000. Picked it up in Gatwick on the way home from a conference in Italy. Or maybe I picked it up on the way in; I can’t remember. I suppose there’s a credit-card record somewhere. Since there’s no recording angel to keep track of it all, that’s as good as we get nowadays.

I wasn’t very impressed with the book. It had some beautiful passages, but it went to rather complex ends to make what I thought to be a pretty obvious point: that biography is a fool’s game, and that our lives are too complex to be captured by a writer. In one of my From the Editor columns, I wrote that biography is a petty calculus, trying to reduce the sweeping curves of life to understandable fragments. Sure, it’s a necessary act, this attempt at comprehending a person’s life, but I just don’t think it should ever be presented as definitive.

As it turns out, Montaigne was on this more than 400 years ago. With Of the inconsistency of our actions, he sounds like a proto-version of The Verve’s Bittersweet Symphony — “I’m a million different people from one day to the next” — but explicitly warns against historians trying to write biographies:

[E]ven good authors are wrong to insist on fashioning a consistent and solid fabric out of us. They choose on general characteristic, and go and arrange and interpret all a man’s actions to fit their picture; and if they cannot twist them enough, they go and set them down to dissimulation.

The essay contains much more than that, offering M.’s typically vivid examples of how we contradict ourselves from day to day, act to act. What he gives us, through this essay, is the futility of learning. Or, perhaps, of understanding. For who we are, M. contends, doesn’t derive from our ordinary actions nor our extraordinary ones. Only the spirit that is utterly focused on ‘a certain and constant course’ is explainable, but that spirit is impossibly rare. The rest of us, he warns, are nothing but patchwork.

It is no wonder, says Seneca, that chance has so much power over us, since we live by chance. . . . What good does it do a man to lay in a supply of paints if he does not know what he is to paint? No one makes a definite plan of his life; we think about it only piecemeal. The archer must first know what he is aiming at, and then set his hand, his bow, his string, his arrow, and his movements for that goal. Our plans go astray because they have no direction and no aim. No wind works for the man who has no port of destination.

In a conventional essay, this would be the part where the writer implores us to become focused, become the arrow, the bow, the sinews, etc. But what’s interesting to me about this essay — and M.’s writing thus far — is that the wisdom that M. is trying to impart is not that we should strive to lead an impossibly focused life, but rather that we shouldn’t try to judge people based on what they do:

[A] sound intellect will refuse to judge men simply by their outward actions; we must probe the inside and discover what springs set men in motion. But since this is an arduous and hazardous undertaking, I wish fewer people would meddle with it.

This essay is followed by Of drunkenness, and then a lengthy one justifying suicide. Fortunately, he’s already warned us against too-deep reading into biography, so I won’t make any thesis about M.’s circumstances around that time.

Just Half-Ass It

I was sitting in Boston’s South Station for an hour or so last week, and I found myself  transfixed by Reebok’s new ad Run Easy campaign. Huge banners hung above the doors of the train station, bearing slogans that I found a little perplexing:

Run to the beat of your own drummer. Run Easy.

Conversation is fuel. Run Easy.

Enjoy the ride. Run Easy.

Why Hit the Wall? It hurts. Run Easy.

Why run till you can’t walk? Run Easy.

What are you Just Doing? Run Easy.

Congratulations. You can’t stand up. Run Easy.

A 10-minute mile is just as far as a 6-minute mile. Run Easy.

Did you beat your best time or just yourself? Run Easy.

There were a couple of Boston-specific banners:

Big Dig has set the pace. Run Easy Boston.

The British aren’t coming. The British aren’t coming. Run Easy Boston.

As I said, I was transfixed. Isn’t there a reason all sports-related marketing is aspirational? I can understand trying to subvert standard advertising tropes — those Sublymonal ads can be pretty funny — but this just goes beyond the pale. Sure, you don’t want to tell people that they’ll win the Boston Marathon if they buy your sneakers, but telling them that it’s okay to slack off?

In addition to these “Run Easy”s, each banner featured Reebok’s tagline beneath its logo: I Am What I Am. Now, I appreciate coming up with a slogan that puts us all in mind of the Torah and/or the greatest performance-enhancing-substance-abuser next to Barry Bonds, but in tandem with this campaign, it comes off as “Eh. Why bother? Running isn’t going to make me any better.”