Diversify toleration!

Neat editorial by Chris Broussard at ESPN, regarding gay players in the NBA. He believes the league is “ready” for them, while also contending that homoesexuality’s a sin.

I’m a born-again, Bible-believing Christian (no, I’m not a member of the Religious Right). And I’m against homosexuality (I believe it’s a sin) and same-sex marriage.

But before you label me “homophobic,” know that I’m against any type of sex outside of marriage between a man and a woman. That includes heterosexual fornication (premarital sex).

Read the whole thing, because he brings up some interesting points about tolerance being a two-way street (as it were). And as long as you can ball (as it were), there’s room for you in Broussard’s rec-league.

Is 39 the new 26.5?

Happy 39th birthday to the official VM brother! One year till the new 20, Bobo!

selayoga.jpg

Remember: Robert Parish won an NBA championship at 43! It’s not too late!

Bizspeak

I read a lot of financial earnings statements at my job. I learned early on that “pro forma” and “adjusted” numbers, intended to give a true reflection of a company’s performance, are usually crap, and that when a company takes a different “extraordinary charge” each quarter, then they’re not so extraordinary, and the company is just fudging its accounting.

So it’s in that vein that I present to you this morning’s earnings statement by Sanofi-Aventis, “In a Difficult Environment, Another Year of Growth in Adjusted EPS Excluding Selected Items

In order to give a better representation of its underlying economic performance, the group has decided to present and explain an adjusted consolidated income statement for 2006 and the fourth quarter of 2006, and to compare them with an adjusted consolidated income statement for 2005 and the fourth quarter of 2005 respectively.

Which is a bit like saying, “Excluding sectarian violence, our nation-building mission in Iraq is doing well.”

I’ll have you know. . .

. . .just because I’m down a finger, it doesn’t mean I’m not man enough to repair a collapsed kitchen drawer with a hammer, some wire nails and a pair of pliers.

Monday Morning Montaigne

From Various Outcomes of the Same Plan:

Now I say that not only in medicine but in many more certain arts Fortune has a large part. Poetic sallies, which transport their author and ravish him out of himself, why shall we not attribute them to his good luck? He himself confesses that they surpass his ability and strength, and acknowledges that they come from something other than himself and that he does not have them at all in his power, any more than orators say they have in theirs those extraordinary impulses and agitations that push them beyond their plan. It is the same thing with painting: sometimes there escape from the painter’s hand touches so surpassing his conception and his knowledge as to arouse his wonder and astonishment. But Fortune shows still more evidently the part she has in all these works by the graces and beauties that are found in them, not only without the workman’s intention, but even without his knowledge. An able reader often discovers in other men’s writings perfections beyond those that the author put in or perceived, and lends them richer meanings and aspects.

You stay classy, San Diego. I’m Ron Burgundy?

We made it back from San Diego, dear readers! My friends’ wedding was wonderful and joyous, and I got to embarrass myself when I was called one to do Just One Thing: introduce the new couple.

I stood by the gate that led into the reception in the courtyard of the church, got everyone’s attention, and announced, “It’s with the greatest joy that I introduce Ian and Jessica Kelley!”

At that moment, the delivery truck for Raphael’s Party Rentals pulled up outside the gate. Ian & Jess were not in this pickup truck, and the photographer was not excited about taking pictures of the bride & groom with Raphael’s truck in the background.

So the wedding planner asked the truck to move. I waited till I definitely saw the happy couple a few steps from the gate, and said, “It is with slightly less spontaneity but just as much joy that I introduce Ian & Jessica Kelley!”

And everything worked out. There are even pictures, if you don’t believe me. (Amy will post hers soon, and they’re SO much better than mine, so check back at her site for them.)

In-N-Out

We’re here for 44 hours in San Diego! Of course, I made a mess of the trip before it even started, by slicing a nice bit out of my finger last night, which led to nearly 3 hours in and around the emergency room of the hospital where I was born.

The cut was of the grotesque variety that can’t be stitched up, so treatment consists of “keep pressure on it”. They gave me two doses of Surgifoam to keep pressed on it, but that’s all melted away, so now I’m just wrapping it in sterile gauze and surgical tape, and taking antibiotics to prevent gangrene. This post is being typed without the use of the middle finger of my right hand. Which, I should point out, I cut while slicing a lime for my G&T last night. Adventures in gin, indeed.

On the plus side, we’re in San Diego! And my best friends are getting hitched! Off to the rehearsal dinner! (even though we sneaked over to In-N-Out for burgers a few hours ago.)

Quitters Never Win

Last week, I received the dissolution papers for my old publishing company. I waited quite a while before filing to dissolve it. While some of you might suspect it was because I harbored a romantic desire to get back into publishing, it was actually because I was scared that I would file something wrong. Essentially, it was like that dream where you’re taking the SATs but you haven’t prepared, and you’re naked, and you’re talking to a snake who’s wearing a vest, and —

But I’ve said too much.

Anyway, the company is officially dissolved, which leaves me very relieved. There were a variety of reasons I failed (or, “was not capable of succeeding”) in the literary publishing business, some of which I beat myself up over, and others of which were utterly beyond my control.

Which brings me to Dave Eggers. Last I week, I found a neat article in Forbes about Eggers’ work as a publisher. Now I didn’t get far when I tried reading Eggers’ blockbuster book, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, and I made some pretty savage remarks about the book to various friends and acquaintances, but maybe I’ve just got an aesthetic blind spot.

Or maybe not. It’s not germane to this rant. Regardless of the book’s merits, it sold a bazillion copies and made a bunch of money for the author. Admirably, he put some of it into worthwhile causes, including learning centers for kids. He’s also continued his quirky literary mag, McSweeney’s, and built up an independent publishing company.

Since it’s in Forbes, the article discusses some of the business practices of Eggers as a publisher. In particular, it explores how his early failure with Might led to a different business model with McSweeney’s:

When he began, Eggers was no stranger to traditional publishing. He’d co-founded the influential but short-lived Gen-X magazine Might in the mid-1990s, which taught him that dependence on advertising is a road to frustration. With Might, he says, it “seemed crazy that an advertiser–or a 22-year-old media planner–could determine whether or not your magazine had merit, how many pages you could print or whether (in the end) you existed at all.”

Might folded in 1997, and Eggers embarked on a different path a year later. With McSweeney’s, Eggers chose to start a much smaller publication, with a modest distribution and a very high cover price (between $22 and $24 per issue). He managed to win a readership without having to play the advertising game.

“We were determined to rely only on the support of readers. We grew only in relation to what readers would support,” Eggers says.

We learn that McSweeney’s grew among independent bookstores before reaching major distribution:

McSweeney’s Quarterly–which now prints 20,000 copies an issue and remains the flagship money-maker for the company–is now distributed by San Francisco-based Publishers Group West, which puts McSweeney’s products on the shelves of online and chain retailers as well as independents.

And this is where I pulled up short. I scrolled back to the top of the article and checked the dateline: Dec. 1, 2006. Unfortunately, this article about the growth of McSweeney’s Publishing came out four weeks before its distributor, Publishers Group West, went bankrupt.

According to this article in the San Francisco Chronicle, McSweeney’s was left $600,000 in the hole by this turn of events, most of that cash intended for a Sudanese refugee charity (Eggers pledged the proceeds of his new book to that cause: like I said, he seems like a good guy).

There are bailout plans from at least two other distributors, promising between 70% and 85% of the money owed to the publishers who choose to participate. But the very fact that this occurred, and was so unforeseen, makes a major point about independent publishing.

See, the article was structured such that Eggers learns from the pitfalls of his first publishing venture, and decides to follow a different path. He gets away from the advertiser-supported world in favor of reader-supported projects. Eventually, this model is so successful that the company seeks larger distribution to reach more readers. Then there are years of success, followed by the cataclysm of PGW’s collapse.

The worst part about this is, McSweeney’s Publishing did nothing wrong. It was a success story, financially and artistically/aesthetically (so I’m told), but the very framework of the business meant that it had to trust a distributor to help promote books to buyers, physically get them to stores, collect payments, handle returns, and a million other things. There’s no way that a publisher can do all that on the scale that Eggers’ company had grown.

Now, please don’t read this as sour grapes on my part. I’m not happy about PGW’s collapse, nor about the hit that McSweeney’s took. I’m hoping that the company bounces back, finds a new, stable distributor, and continues fighting the good fight.

What you should read this as is a lament for how difficult it is to successfully publish books, especially for an independent company. On the tiny scale I operated on, it was silly to keep going (and thanks for never bothering to pay me, Small Press Distributors, you lousy sonsabitches), but it’s a shame when the publishers with a real presence can get struck down by circumstances so utterly out of their control.

Four More Years?

Happy anniversary, dear readers! Today marks four years since I started writing Virtual Memories, and I can’t believe some of you are still coming back after all this time!

But seriously, thanks for checking in on this site, all of you regulars.

And to all you people who keep getting to this site because you’re looking for images of Giada De Laurentiis, I’m sorry, but I only have that one from the Gatorade post.

Anyway, I’m glad I’ve been able to keep this blog going for so long. Despite the season, you should have a G&T (or the drink of your choice, but the G&T is the official drink of VM) in honor of Virtual Memories tonight! (In fact, if you take a picture of yourself drinking one (or the aforementioned drink of choice), e-mail it over to me, I’ll post it in a goofy flickr photoset!)

Cheers! And here’s to many more years of strange links, random reminiscences, and quotidian ague!