Michael Bierut shows us how to eulogize someone who was batshit-crazy.

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Michael Bierut shows us how to eulogize someone who was batshit-crazy.
One of my friends wrote me about yesterday’s Middlemarch post, essentially smacking me down for sounding like I “don’t want to be bothered getting into another time and place, which is something that most people think that novels do.”
Guilty! As I hit the “publish” button, I felt that this post came off as a whine, rather than the argument I wanted to make about living at hyperspeed and how difficult it is to slow down. If anything, I wasn’t trying to get into the merits or specifics of Middlemarch: only 125 pages in, I wasn’t in a position to judge it.
Living at hyperspeed, I was stuck for time. Given more of it, I would’ve contrasted the experience of reading a book like this with the experience I had reading Spook Country, an entertaining thriller that felt like it was made of now. Its McGuffin is pretty easy to suss out, unfortunately, but I enjoyed the book probably because of its utter now-ness.
What I was trying to say about Middlemarch, on the other hand, wasn’t that the particular time and place are like a foreign country (nor one that I’m disinclined to visit), but rather that the very experience of reading that novel is like a foreign country (or maybe one I was raised in as a child but forgot about).
Given my tendency not to extrapolate from my own experiences and tastes, I should’ve concluded that this is merely a symptom of my middle-aged shallowness, especially as the past 3-4 months’ workload has left me frazzled and constantly dealing with crises.
Humorously enough, the chapter I read last night begins with this passage about . . . how times are faster “now” and there’s less leisure:
A great historian, as he insisted on calling himself, who had the happiness to be dead a hundred and twenty years ago, and so to take his place among the colossi whose huge legs our living pettiness is observed to walk under, glories in his copious remarks and digressions as the least imitable part of his work, and especially in those initial chapters to the successive books of his history, where he seems to bring his arm-chair to the proscenium and chat with us in all the lusty ease of his fine English. But Fielding lived when the days were longer (for time, like money, is measured by our needs), when summer afternoons were spacious, and the clock ticked slowly in winter evenings. We belated historians must not linger after his example; and if we did so, it is probably that our chat would be thin and eager, as if delivered from a camp-stool in a parrot house. I at least have so much to do in unravelling certain human lots, and seeing how they were woven and interwoven, that all the light I can command must be concentrated on this particular web, and not dispersed over that tempting range of relevancies called the universe.
Before a trip, I usually find myself downstairs in our library, looking at 1,200-odd books and trying to figure out how much reading time I’ll have, what mood I’ll be in during the trip, how much weight I’m willing to carry in my bag, and what book will make me look unapproachably smart in the terminal and on the plane. This time around, I was too harried to think straight, and so, last week in Milan, I got stuck without a book.
This almost never happens to me. I knew there would be plenty of time to read on this trip, but I foolishly brought along only a brief (350 pages) novel I was halfway through (Spook Country) and a 110-page play (Rock n Roll
), both of which I wrapped up by the second day of the trip. It was time to employ The Eco Strategy.
Unfortunately, the first two bookstores I checked out had no English-language section. Since I was on conference-schedule from then on, there was no time to look up and visit a specialty store (Amy sez there was one over by Castello Sforzesco).
I stopped in at one near our hotel and discovered a very small Inglese shelf. The books were mostly UK Penguin editions, and the most contemporary writer on the shelf was Beckett. So I found myself studying a collection of classics to figure out what the heck could occupy me for the rest of the trip and the 8-hour flight home.
I considered picking up Nostromo, but thought, “That book killed David Lean; there’s no way I’m going to make it.”
Trollope? I wouldn’t know where to start.
Bleak House? My cheap-ass stereotype kicked in, as I picked up a new copy a year or so ago, in the hopes of re-reading it.
A Room of One’s Own? Tried it on three different occasions and never got into it. (Tried reading Mrs. Dalloway
twice: same result.)
F. Scott Fitzgerald? I’d be back in the same bookless boat a day or so later.
Then it hit me: Middlemarch! Sure, I had a copy at home, but it was mass-market paperback, and this edition was larger and more readable (I’m getting old, and mass-market typesetting is beyond my eyesight).
I started Middlemarch once back in college, but got derailed due to some piddling matter like coursework. But now it would be the only book in my possession! I’d be sure to get so far into it that I wouldn’t just bail partway through! Plus, it would make me look smart and out of step with the times! The back-cover blurb was from Henry James, fergoshsakes!
From the first chapter, as George Eliot relates the marriage prospects and religious tendencies of Dorothea Brooke, I got to thinking about the nature of sprawling novels like this one. Over its 800 pages, the book attempts to canvas the interweaving lives and classes of a town in 1832 England. I wondered how contemporary readers — outside of academia, that is — would devote themselves to this sort of project. Do people have the patience to read a book like this one? I find it charming in parts, and possessed of enough tension and engaging characters to outweigh the archaicness of some of the language.
But I also find myself facing a variant on the suspension-of-disbelief: that is, I feel as if I have to slow down, to reframe my perceptions to an era in which communications were slower and religious and ideological debates were of a different stripe. That’s not to say that it’s some sorta relic. Dorothea’s zealotry, Casaubon’s arm’s-length distance from the world, Fred’s slacker college-kid are all vivid characters and could easily transpose into the present. Still, a novel like this requires a different way of thinking than that to which I’ve grown accustomed in these past hyperaccelerated years.
Finishing Book One (about one-eighth of the novel) on the flight home, I felt confident that I could stick with this novel and its pace, that I can slow down from this frenetic pace.
Then I thought, “In eight hours, I’ve probably traveled more miles than George Eliot did in her entire life.”
Back in 2002, I got a fortune-cookie that read, “A reunion with an old acquaintance will turn out disastrous.” I saved it because it was so pessimistic. Also, I appreciated the fact that it was a fortune, and not an aphorism. A week or so later, I hooked up with an ex-girlfriend I hadn’t seen in almost a decade, and it didn’t turn out so bad.
According to the NYTimes, bad fortunes are making their way through the rotation. My official VM fortune to you: Avoid Chinese food for a while.
We made it home yesterday! Wacky observations will follow, along with a pair of huge photosets on Flickr!

Meanwhile, we need to unpack, get food, and debate whether to spend $24.95 on the PPV of New Zealand v. France in the Rugby World Cup quarterfinals at noon (even though the All Blacks will have to wear their road gray unis).
(Update: the game’s at 3pm, not noon. And we’re buying in, so we can see some French guys get pasted by some big Maoris.)
(Update 2: Victory! France’s inaptly named Serge Bentsen just got knocked the f*** out around the 4:30 mark, trying to slow down an All Black rush! Vive Le Smush!)
(Update 3: All Black & Bleu! France beats NZ, 20-18!)
We’re heading home from Milan this morning, dear readers! Wish us a safe trip and enjoy this week’s links!
Continue reading “Unrequired Reading: Oct. 5, 2007”
Evidently, the U.S. State Department now has a blog, which means is now going to complain about its girlfriend, tell you about how stupid the latest movies are, and post pictures of its pets.
Monday morning, I headed over to the conference center to make sure our boxes of magazines had arrived. They hadn’t. Since the conference was set to begin on Tuesday, I thought it would be a good time to visit the show’s courier service to find out where our 34 boxes of magazines were.
I was told that half of them, the boxes we shipped directly from our office, were either at “the warehouse” or on their way to the show floor. But they couldn’t be delivered to our booth unless we paid the indeterminate handling fee.
The courier rep had no answer about the 17 boxes of September issues that the printer shipped directly to the show. Oh, he had information on the printer’s name, and the shipper, but the location of the boxes wasn’t so clear. “They may have been returned to customs,” I was told. “You probably should’ve used the official shipper for the conference and not a phantom carrier.”
“A phantom carrier? You mean, UPS is a phantom carrier?”
He gave me a wan smile. By this morning, the boxes from our office (sent via phantom carrier FedEx) had arrived, but the September issues hadn’t. I was livid and decided to put it straight to the rep: “Is there some amount of money that you need to help locate and deliver our boxes?”
Wan smile again: “No, I’m afraid it’s out of our hands.”
I was pissed, and returned to our booth. Over the course of the day, I discovered
There are a bunch of ticked-off exhibitors, including one who arranged to have food service, only to discover that this didn’t include forks, knives, or napkins, for which there would be a surchage.
So, in general, we’re a surly lot. The locals are scamming away, the conference hall layout is insane, and the distance of the center from the city means that we have to travel by metro with Italians during rush hour.