Category: Comic books & strips

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Doc Bruce Banner, belted by cheap hookers

Leaving the supermarket this evening, I noticed a display of toys for the new Hulk movie. I was disappointed that they didn’t have a Tim Roth action figure, so I could dress him in a miniature leather coat like in Little Odessa.

Luckily, I noticed that they had the next best thing: Mega Clap Hulk.

That text on the bottom left reads, “PRESS BUTTON FOR THE MEGA CLAP ATTACK!”, so maybe he goes whoring around behind Betty Ross’ back in the new movie. Or maybe she becomes the Harpy and infects him with gamma-chlamydia. Or maybe Hulk gets a little Bi-Beast-curious, and catches a dose during a meth-fueled weekend. I could go on all night with these jokes, but they’re not going to get any funnier.

Anyway, I’ve heard of funky side effects from STDs, but what is going on with those veins that are trying to escape from his crotch?

To be fair, I’m sure if I had a “MEGA CLAP ATTACK!”, my expression wouldn’t be much different than this:

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What It Is: 5/19/08

What I’m reading: Lord Jim, Joseph Conrad, and the first 8 issues of the new Omega the Unknown miniseries, sorta written by Jonathan Lethem, whose prose I’ve never tried out. I oughtta sample some of his stuff on my Kindle, because I’m that awesome.

What I’m listening to: A new Mad Mix. More to come.

What I’m watching: Game 7 of Cavs/Celts, and wondering if the LeBron/Pierce matchup was going to live up to the ‘Nique/Bird shootout in 1988. It was pretty awesome.

What I’m drinking: Wet by Beefeater.

Where I’m going: Nowhere, not even for Memorial Day weekend. Sigh.

What I’m happy about: Getting out for a fantastic meal at Saddle River Inn on Saturday night, even if Dad raised the stakes on inappropriate conversation by launching into a discourse on the method used by my mohel. Seriously.

What I’m REALLY happy about: My pal Tina got married!

What I’m sad about: The Celtics won.

What I’m pondering: Microsoft’s strategy. Post to come.

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The White Stuff

I’m sure he’s a perfectly good guy, but I was just transfixed by this combo of headshot & name in today’s WSJ:

Probably because of this guy:

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Mini Driver

I worked at home today, dear readers, in anticipation of a visit from James Maloney & Son Tree Service. In addition to getting The Raccoon Lodge removed, we contracted a whole lot of other work with them, removing some smaller trees from the front yard, getting a couple of hazardous ones removed from the side of the house, cutting too-low limbs from the big trees to get some sunlight onto the yard, and sawing down some stumps so we can begin the nefarious second phase of Operation: Livable Back Yard.

Since I’d be at home, I took Amy to the bus stop today. It’s a quirky logic, but we’re a quirky couple. Anyway, about 10 minutes before the tree guys were to arrive, I thought, “Hmm. Amy’s Mini is sitting right in the driveway, and I bet they’re going to need to get past that in order to take care of a lot of this work.”

Unfortunately, her car’s a stick-shift, and I’ve never actually driven a stick-shift, outside of the one time she tried to teach me in the bus-stop parking lot. Oh, and the time when I was 16 and my pals Jon-Eric & Todd tried to teach me, before we headed to the Kinnelon Cinema to see The Running Man.

I dug deep into that 1987 version of me and tried to recreate the experience of zooming around the parking lot of my high school, but it was to no avail.

Then I looked again into that geeky high school soul and discovered inspiration from another artifact of that era: the Miller/Mazzucchelli 7-issue run of Daredevil! In particular, I recalled this set of panels from the final installment, in which our blind superhero must get behind the wheel of a car:

Emboldened, I went out to Amy’s Mini, took off the emergency brake, put it in neutral, let it roll down to the bottom of the driveway, tried several times to get it to start, tried several times to get it in gear, and eventually made my way up into the garage!

(Where I, um, stalled out and had to push it in the rest of the way so I could close the garage door…)

(Oh, and, before-and-after pix of the yard are pending…)

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Final Tale of Hofmann

When I was a student at Hampshire College, the annual Halloween tradition was known as “Trip or Treat.” Being a total square, I never partook. For a variety of reasons, I wish I’d tried acid, but it’s a bit late in life for that.

Anyway, Albert Hofmann, the man who first synthesized LSD, has died at the age of 102. But, as Acid Archie sez, “ACID NEVER DIE!”

(written by Grant Morrison, drawn by Steve Yeowell; not sure who holds the copyright, which is 1990)

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What it is: 4/14/08

What I’m reading: Locas, by Jaime Hernandez. Just feeling sentimental for Maggie & Hopey, I guess.

What I’m listening to: She and Him, Vol. 1, but not getting into it.

What I’m watching: A marathon of The Deadliest Catch, in preparation for the premier of the new season.

What I’m drinking: Guinness Extra Stout (bottled)

What I’m happy about: That Starbucks’ new Pike Place roast isn’t anywhere near as offensive as its old coffee. I mean, I still wouldn’t choose to stand on line behind a bunch of people ordering orange mocha frappuccinos, but at least I know that if I DO have to go to a Starbucks, at least I’ll be able to get a decent black coffee. Oh, and here’s an article on their retro mermaid logo. This is not a mermaid.

What I’m sad about: That DirecTV’s installer messed up the installation of my new dish, so a bunch of my HD channels are badly digitizing/artifacting. Now I gotta work at home today so they can get someone out here to realign it. But it’ll be pretty sweet to have all those extra HD channels.

What I’m pondering: Why LeBron James is getting so much MVP consideration, given that his team is barely over .500 in a terrible conference.