What It Is: 6/16/08

What I’m reading: Endless Things, by John Crowley, on my Kindle.

What I’m listening to: Hard Candy, by Madonna. It was on sale for $3.99 on Amazon’s MP3 store one day last week. Sue me.

What I’m watching: We finished the third season of The Wire, which was dramatic, but neither as fresh/exciting as the first season nor as complicated as the second (which ended terribly, but was awfully good for the first 8-9 episodes). The fourth season awaits us: No Corner Left Behind!

What I’m drinking: That Blue Point Long Island Blueberry Ale again.

Where I’m going: San Diego — this very night! — for the BIO Conference. (UPDATE: or maybe — this very tomorrow! — as a storm system has already bumped my flight from 7:30pm to 8:53pm.)

What I’m happy about: That R Kelly was acquitted, which finally gave us occasion to break out the first 12 episodes of Trapped in the Closet. It turned out to be one of the greatest achievements in the history of batshit-crazy musical artists.

What I’m sad about: Being away from my wife & dog for a few days.

What I’m pondering: The fact that I’ve lived in this house longer than anyone else has lived in it.

Doc Bruce Banner, belted by cheap hookers

Leaving the supermarket this evening, I noticed a display of toys for the new Hulk movie. I was disappointed that they didn’t have a Tim Roth action figure, so I could dress him in a miniature leather coat like in Little Odessa.

Luckily, I noticed that they had the next best thing: Mega Clap Hulk.

That text on the bottom left reads, “PRESS BUTTON FOR THE MEGA CLAP ATTACK!”, so maybe he goes whoring around behind Betty Ross’ back in the new movie. Or maybe she becomes the Harpy and infects him with gamma-chlamydia. Or maybe Hulk gets a little Bi-Beast-curious, and catches a dose during a meth-fueled weekend. I could go on all night with these jokes, but they’re not going to get any funnier.

Anyway, I’ve heard of funky side effects from STDs, but what is going on with those veins that are trying to escape from his crotch?

To be fair, I’m sure if I had a “MEGA CLAP ATTACK!”, my expression wouldn’t be much different than this:

Random House’s Salute To Fireworks

I’ve goofed on my history of (incredibly) small press publishing for years. While there are plenty of specific reasons why I was a failure, there are also some pretty enormous structural problems with the business of book publishing. I think most of those problems can be traced back to bookstore returnability, but it’s a complex argument that I don’t feel like making right now.

What brings me to this topic is the news that Bertelsmann, a privately held German media conglomerate, looks ready to announce a new president for Random House, one of the largest publishing companies in the world. Perturbed that Random hasn’t had any blockbuster hits in the last year and revenues have slipped, ownership (and new CEO Hartmut Ostrowski) decided to promote from within. Of course, when you’re a major conglomerate like Bertelsmann, “within” can be a pretty broad term.

In this case, Random House’s new president, Markus Dohle, comes from Bertelsmann’s Arvato Print unit. What’s Arvato? Why, I’ll let the WSJ explain:

While Arvato is so unglamorous a business it was once referred to inside Bertelsmann as “Siberia,” it has served as a major growth engine for Bertelsmann in recent years. Arvato has been plunging into far-ranging businesses such as repairing mobile telephones, storing pharmaceuticals and running call centers and billing systems. Last year it booked almost [$7.8 billion] in revenue, or about a quarter of Bertelsmann’s turnover.

I’m sure Mr. Dohle’s a fine executive, and I’m sure Mr. Ostrowski (another Arvato Print alumni) has some big ideas for how Bertelsmann can make book publishing a major contributor to its bottom line (it’s currently at 10% of company revenues), but this sort of pedigree sounds a lot like the appointment of Jack Donaghy to the role of Vice President of East Coast Television and Microwave Oven Programming.

What It Is: 5/19/08

What I’m reading: Lord Jim, Joseph Conrad, and the first 8 issues of the new Omega the Unknown miniseries, sorta written by Jonathan Lethem, whose prose I’ve never tried out. I oughtta sample some of his stuff on my Kindle, because I’m that awesome.

What I’m listening to: A new Mad Mix. More to come.

What I’m watching: Game 7 of Cavs/Celts, and wondering if the LeBron/Pierce matchup was going to live up to the ‘Nique/Bird shootout in 1988. It was pretty awesome.

What I’m drinking: Wet by Beefeater.

Where I’m going: Nowhere, not even for Memorial Day weekend. Sigh.

What I’m happy about: Getting out for a fantastic meal at Saddle River Inn on Saturday night, even if Dad raised the stakes on inappropriate conversation by launching into a discourse on the method used by my mohel. Seriously.

What I’m REALLY happy about: My pal Tina got married!

What I’m sad about: The Celtics won.

What I’m pondering: Microsoft’s strategy. Post to come.

The White Stuff

I’m sure he’s a perfectly good guy, but I was just transfixed by this combo of headshot & name in today’s WSJ:

Probably because of this guy: