Category: Lost in the Supermarket

Posted on

Lost in the Supermarket: Whiter Teeth . . . Chicago-Style!

I always find it sad/funny when companies suffer font blowouts on their marketing materials. It’s a shame/riot to see a print ad with super-high-end photography and a tagline that renders in Courier. So my attention was caught by the packaging for something called “U SMILE”, an “advanced tooth whitening system” that employs Chicago, a Mac font that hasn’t been seen in the wild since around 1997:

Given the fact that I can’t find a website for this product, I’m inclined to think that it actually does date back to the days of that font.

Posted on

Lost in the Supermarket: Don’t Give Me Any Lip

We return to Louisiana for this week’s edition! Cooking is an important part of the conversation between my wife & her dad, so our visits involve supermarket visits that invariably result in my stumbling across “food” I never imagined I’d see on a shelf. To wit:

“ALWAYS ask for the BEST”. Because you really don’t want to cut corners on your pickled pork lips.

See the whole Lost in the Supermarket series

Posted on

Lost in the Supermarket: House Party edition

There are too many great moments in House Party — the film debut of Kid & Play — to list. One of my favorites occurs when Sidney and Sharane are sitting outside Sharane’s home and her little brother calls out, “I’m making Kool Aid! You want Grape or Red?”

She indignantly answers, “RED!” as though it was the stupidest question ever. Moments later, we see the boy pouring an entire bag of sugar into a pitcher.

In that spirit, I offer you this week’s Lost in the Supermarket, straight from the Sam’s Club in Kenner, LA:

I’m making vodka! You want grape or raaaaiiiid?

See the whole Lost in the Supermarket series

Posted on

Lost in the Supermarket: The Flavor of, um, Electric Mint?

In last week’s post, I asked about the wisdom of selling toothpaste in a dark package: “Wouldn’t that be tantamount selling it in a dingy yellow carton?”

Maybe, but it wouldn’t be as bad as selling toothpaste the color of Baby’s First Pea Stool :

Oh, I’m sorry. I meant, “Electric Mint.”

(Unrelatedly, because I couldn’t figure out a non-racist joke tying these two together, here’s a discussion of Thug Passion.)

See the whole Lost in the Supermarket series

Posted on

Lost in the Supermarket: The Flavor of Night

This series of posts about adventures in my local supermarkets began with a single product. This is that product:

I suppose the indigo packaging, set off against the sky blue of the other toothpastes, was enough to catch my eye. Who puts toothpaste in a dark box? Wouldn’t that be tantamount selling it in a dingy yellow carton?

Not if your toothpaste possesses . . . the flavor of night!

Yes, this brand of Crest is somehow imbued with “clean night mint,” as opposed to the dirtyDIRTY day mint of other toothpastes. Studying the box, I was struck by two thoughts:

  1. It’s pretty ballsy for a company to try to convince consumers that they need to use two different toothpastes, depending on time of day. Maybe they can come up with a mid-day toothpaste to mask the odor of a lunchtime martini.
  2. The Color of Night was such a bad movie that the New Yorker decided to review it as a comedy, instead of a thriller.

See the whole Lost in the Supermarket series

Posted on

Lost in the Supermarket: The Imitations of Crab

For this week’s installment of Lost in the Supermarket, I thought I’d hearken back to my doubleplusunkosher post by offering up . . . imitation crabmeat!

Of course, it begs the question as to whether something this artificial is actually traife. As opposed to just a Bad Idea.

This week, you get a bonus pic! It doesn’t come from a supermarket, so it doesn’t warrant its own post. However, I couldn’t resist snapping a pic of . . . a kosher hot sandwich vending machine?

I found this one up at an outlet mall in New York state. My wife & I will only go there on a Saturday morning, before the busloads of New Yorkers arrive and when the hasidic contingent has to stay home for shabbat. Otherwise, it’s like a cross of Spanish Harlem, the Axis powers, and Samaria up there.

See the whole Lost in the Supermarket series

Posted on

Lost in the Supermarket: No Hateration edition

Mary J. Blige & I were born on the same day, about 30 miles apart (the distance from Pompton Plains to Yonkers, as the crow flies), so I try to keep up with her work. In fact, she was the first person to expose me to the word hateration, in her great song Family Affair. I’ve always wanted to pay tribute to that, and now I get my chance:

I expect a credit (if not royalties) for her next single, “Let’s Get Brownulated!”

See the whole Lost in the Supermarket series