Off the Road

Life is too short for crappy books. I’ve tried to impress that notion on friends, acquaintances and co-workers who would tell me that they were reading [x] but not enjoying it. Now, I don’t mean that a good book is one that panders, just that a reader should have some degree of joy or curiosity about a book.

A few years back, one of my co-workers told me he was struggling with Infinite Jest. I asked him if he felt he was getting something out of it. I knew he was very into tennis, and thought that aspect of the book would at least have captured his interest. “Not really,” he told me. “I’m 400 pages in and bored shitless. I get the corporate sponsorship joke, and that addicts have tough lives, but does this get any better?”

“Depends on what you mean by better.”

“Do you ever find out what’s on the videotape that amuses people to death?”

“. . . No. Infinite Jest is actually a thousand-page novel about boredom. That’s the joke.” In my opinion.

He put it down and went on to something else.

Which brings me to On the Road.

I first tried to read Kerouac’s novel in the summer of 1991. I was staying at a college pal’s family’s farmhouse in Athol, MA, and there was a limited selection of books at hand, one of which was an old mass market paperback of On the Road. Back at Hampshire, it was praised by plenty of people I didn’t like and whose taste I didn’t trust, but I thought I’d give it a shot.

The characters, I recall, didn’t demonstrate much character and the writing itself was plain and uncompelling. Thirty-five pages in, I was bored shitless and put the book aside. Instead I read Gaiman & Pratchett’s Good Omens, which I picked up on a visit to my girlfriend in Worcester.

Twenty years later, I found myself willing to try Kerouac again. At a book party in February, I met the writer Fred Kaplan and his wife, writer and NPR/WNYC host Brooke Gladstone. I’d enjoyed Mr. Kaplan’s writing on Slate for years now (mainly covering the Defense Dept. beat), and mentioned that to him. He told me a little about the book he’s working on and, two G&Ts into the evening, I decided ot tell him that I had yet to read his book, 1959: The Year Everything Changed.

I know authors don’t like to hear about how people haven’t read their books, but I told him that I’d been interested in the book for a while and promised to get it for my Kindle the next day. He was amiable about it. Certainly moreso than Greill Marcus, who once lectured me about the content of Lipstick Traces after I told him that I had only read about 100 pages of it.

Anyway, I did download 1959 from Amazon and read it over the next week. Weirdly, the Kindle format of 1959 puts an extra line-break after every paragraph, so the entire work looks like it’s composed of aphorisms. I enjoyed it, although it didn’t have the voice that I find in nonfiction work by, say, Clive James or Ron Rosenbaum, whose book party we were attending that evening. (Speaking of which, buy Ron’s new book! It’s the bomb! Also, he owes me money!) Still, I found it pretty informative, the thesis largely holds up, and Kaplan’s love of jazz shows up strongly in his chapters on Miles Davis (Kind of Blue), Dave Brubeck (Time Out) and Ornette Coleman (Shape of Jazz to Come).

The sections on Allen Ginsberg and the obscenity case for Howl (tried pre-1959, but setting a precedent that would enable that year’s rulings to overturn federal obscenity laws) made me curious again about Keroac and On the Road. I thought, “It’s been 20 years since I tried it. Maybe it was the mass market paperback’s typesetting. Maybe it was my philistinism. Maybe it’s one of those works that will resonate for me now, one of those books you grow into. Maybe its time-capsule distance from me will prove of interest.”

I bought it for my Kindle, and gave it another shot. This time, I made it a quarter of the way through before surrendering.

I was expecting some sort of lyricism that would show Kerouac’s aesthetic competition with Ginsberg, or a benzedrine-fueled madness that reflected Burroughs’ influence on him, or maybe some of the sheer poetic-mystic beauty of the idler’s life that Henry Miller was so good at in Tropic of Cancer, which I thought was the obvious precursor for On the Road.

Instead, I still found the events uninteresting, the language flat, the characters (still) not having have much by way of character, and no serious observations about America or its crippled, postwar ideals. I’m still incredulous that this book was a monster hit for half a century. I know the Eisenhower years were boring, but was this really such a great alternative?

So I acknowledged that slogging along through a book I didn’t like was reinforcing the crap mood I’ve been in lately, and yesterday I picked up Arcadia, the Tom Stoppard play that I’m seeing this week on Broadway (provided there are no safety violations in the big finale with the multiple Septimus Hodges getting launched by catapult over the audience). According to The List That Knows More Than I Do, it’ll be the fifth time I’ve read Arcadia, but the language is so gorgeous, the ideas so artfully integrated into the stories, the plot and staging so ingenious, that I don’t mind returning to that well.

Moral: go back to the first sentence of this post.

Who Am I?

I’m the guy who was in serious doldrums this evening. I think it’s anxiety about work, but it’s been running me down for a while now. I feel overwhelmed, unable to get ahead because there are so many fires to put out. I’ve been talking to people less and less, and having more difficulty just keeping up a normal conversation.

When I got home tonight, I was pretty burned out. The mile with the dogs didn’t help much, and I came home and found myself staring out the window, emptying the dishwasher, and otherwise trying to avoid looking at computer or TV screens.

Eventually, I went downstairs to the library. Still dolorous, I looked over some shelves of books and told myself, “I’m never going to read any of these.” Then, on a whim, I reached out to pick up one of several collections of essays by William Gass, whom I haven’t read in many years. I opened The World Within the Word to its table of contents, saw, Proust at 100, took the book upstairs, cracked open the spine on page 147, and started reading.

At first, I kept losing focus, partly because of Gass’s gorgeous by sneaky prose but mainly because thoughts from the office kept intruding. So I began reading the pages aloud. I thought it would be good practice for the podcast, because I need to learn to record prose without falling into my distant, nasal, uninflected tone. But reading it aloud, finding the rhythms of the sentences, also drove all the office banalities from my mind.

I’m the guy who’s amazed at how far he’s fallen from himself.

UPDATE: Here’s a 9.5-minute audio clip of me reading from the essay! Enjoy! Or try to!

The Saddest Thing

The weather was so gorgeous today, I took a half-day from work. I thought about hiking some trails, but I can do that over weekend. Instead, I rolled up to Woodbury Common Outlet Mall to look for a higher-end tux discounted to cheap Jew levels. (My lack of formalwear nearly bit me on the ass this week, so I decided to finally buy one.) I ended up also buying a few shirts, a tie, and a new pair of Merrell Chameleons, to replace the ones that I had on and that needed to be burned.

I stopped at the food court around 2 to get a snack, and that’s where I saw the saddest thing:

IMG_1109

I thought about picking it up, but realized it was exactly where it needed to be.

Invisible, not Inaudible

The second episode of Virtual Memories radio is live! I mean, taped and edited and stuff, but it’s posted! You can download the MP3 right here! Or download the AAC/M4A file! (I figured out how to embed chapter marks in the AAC version!)

Be easy on me. I’m still feeling my way through this form, and I really hate that it’s just a monologue right now. Once I get some interviews recorded, I think it’ll really take off. But meanwhile, enjoy the ramble!

Who Am I?

I’m the guy who seems to hold white people to higher standards of service than non-white people. At least when it comes to coffee.

If I get shitty service from a Starbucks (generally staffed by white people), I avoid returning to it for a long time. If I get shitty service at a Dunkin Donuts (generally staffed by Indians, Pakistanis, or Latinos), I cut them some slack and figure they’ll be better next time.

Wintertime Blues

It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything of note. Here’s a list of reasons for that, but I’m not sure which ones have the most weight:

  • I suffer from anxiety
  • I suffer from mild depression and/or this winter has depressed the crap out of me
  • I have a lot of work to do at my day job and feel guilty if I “waste” writing-time on myself
  • I don’t feel like writing or sharing things that I once did, because Facebook has become the default destination for minor personal observations
  • I feel like I can outsource being clever to Twitter
  • I use my tumblr blog to post short book-excerpts and literature-related thoughts
  • I let myself get distracted and drown in tweets and RSS feeds
  • I spend too much time by myself and the lack of conversation really takes a toll on me
  • I feel tapped out and don’t have much to say (I think this is a big one, but it’s just a symptom and not a cause; I’ve started a couple of posts that just seemed useless, so I zapped ’em)
  • I make it too easy not to write
  • I would rather write a book of anecdotes and observations about my old man
  • I would rather launch a regular podcast, if I can just suss out some technical issues and get over my anxiety about asking someone to sit down for an interview
  • I would rather work with Amy to make video-montages set to music
  • I have a sneaking suspicion you’re all tired of my stories, observations and complaints
  • I have a sneaking suspicion that I’m a fraud
  • I don’t get around much anymore

I know that if I just get back to writing, it’ll alleviate a lot of the symptoms, but I just can’t do it. I’m afraid I sound like a DTC ad for an antipsychotic med.

Maybe I should go back to posting those What It Is updates every week, but I came to resent the imposition of those, too, just like all the other regular features I tried to write.

I often find myself singing John Entwistle’s song, 905: “All I know is what I need to know / Everything I do’s been done before / Every sentence in my head / Someone else has said / At each end of my life is an open door.”

It’s never a good sign for an adult to find life-parallels in any song by The Who. I’m gonna try and cheer myself up with some Sam Cooke.