Reporting from Mauschwitz

Got into Orlando safe and sound. I didn’t think about the fact that a flight here on a Sunday morning would be filled with screaming kids traveling to Disney World. The stewardess didn’t even ask me to turn off my iPod for takeoff.

I took Nightwood with me. It’s the favorite book of one of the authors I used to publish. I read about 20 pages of it once before, but the floridity of the prose tired me out. So I figured I’d make it the only book I have with me, like I did with Foucault’s Pendulum a couple of summers ago.

Of course, I took a break to do the crossword puzzle in the Continental in-flight magazine, but that only took about 20 minutes.

Anyway, the conference/exhibition starts in a few minutes, and I’ve got ironing to do. This place sure is, um, pleasant.

Borat & the Mini

Well, now that the Official VM NBA 2006-2007 preview is wrapped up, I can get back to the ongoing ruminations and ramblings about my life. I’m heading out to Orlando at 6:30am for my next biz-nass trip, but I figured we oughtta catch up, dear readers.

First and foremost: my wife bought a car! Amy finally got out of debt (college loans, etc.) last week, so the time was ripe to get back into debt. She’s been in love with the Mini Cooper S for a while now, so we checked them out earlier this week. They talked us into buying a 2006, and Amy & her salesman sat down and built the model she wanted online. It’ll take 4-6 weeks for it to show up. Until then, this is all you get:

We took a similar model out for a test drive today, and she fell further in love. I fit pretty easily into the car, which was a major concern. If I wasn’t opposed to buying a German car, I’d be interested in getting one for myself; they’re awfully well engineered and the ride was impossibly smooth.

While the salespeople were really pleasant and not “car salesman”-like, someone did try to screw us out of $550 when we signed off on the order this morning. The sales manager presented us with an itemized “build page” that showed the order as Mini had received it. “That’s the right amount, right?” he asked about the total at the bottom of the list.

The dollar amount was the same as we were quoted, but Amy noticed that the build page included a $550 Harman Kardon sound system, which was not part of our order. “Coincidentally,” the $550 destination charge was missing. So the manager had to “fix up” our order and produce a new build page. But this one was a printout from a “later stage in the build process” and did include the destination charge, but not that stereo, which was removed.

Which is to say, we would’ve been paying an extra $550 for the car, if Amy hadn’t gone over the list closely. I’m not necessarily accusing the sales manager at Mini of trying to jack up the price, but it does seem like an odd mistake to make.

Anyway, the car is ordered, and Amy’ll be able to track its progress online from when it leaves the factory in the UK and ships out to Port Newark. That’ll be fun. Or infuriating.

After this morning’s test-drive and signoff, we went out to catch Borat. I have to concur with Ron Rosenbaum’s take on the movie: it’s nowhere near as funny as the segments on Da Ali G Show, largely because the movie has to create a “plot” to get Borat from one place to another. A number of those segments — he has dinner with a commerce group down south, he talks to a group of black kids about how to be black, for example — felt scripted, more Larry David uncomfortable-improv than the sheer genius of having Borat at a wine tasting in the Midwest. “Oh, and is he your slave?”

Moreover, the scenes of his life and the depictions of Kazakhstan actually are less fun, because they literalize things that are far funnier when Borat intimates at them. That is, actually seeing the Running of the Jews is less funny than having Borat make a comment about it to an unsuspecting person in America.

So, while it was an entertaining flick, it just wasn’t as funny as watching him in action in his interviews. Although the scene in the bed & breakfast was hysterical.

One more thing: What the f*** is wrong with people that they’d bring their 8-year-old children in to see that movie? I mean, how out of touch are parents if they can’t figure out that an “R” rating just might mean that it’s not suitable for kids? Ferchrissakes, the trailers were violent and coarse enough that I’d have gotten my kid outta the theater, but it went downhill from there. I don’t have kids and so it’s easy for me to say, “Have half a brain before exposing your kids to this stuff.” Anyway, that’s enough moralizing for me.

The biggest disappointment of the afternoon was that the trailer for Apocalypto actually looked pretty good on the big screen. This bummed me out because I won’t give money to a production by Mel Gibson. Also, I’m not sure if there are subtitles in this flick, but there should be because it’s awfully tough to figure out the Mayan term for “sugar tits.”

It’s off to Orlando for me. Not sure what book I’ll take with me. Gringos was boring, compared to the other Charles Portis books I’ve read. I’m thinking of just reading some long-form comics for the next few weeks, till that new Pynchon novel comes out. If you have any suggestions, make them in the next 8 hours.

All done!

The last NBA divisional preview is up! Go, Northwest! (It’s still a preview even though the season started a few days ago, right?)

Thanks to all who contributed to this year’s preview: Tom Spurgeon, Craig Sirkin, Sam Richezza, and Adam Taxin! I promise to coordinate this thing better next year! As is, you’ve gotta be happy that I bumped it over to its own page!

I’ll be down in Orlando for a conference from tomorrow morning through Tuesday afternoon, so I’ll try to head over to the O-Rena to catch that Washington-Orlando matchup Monday night. If I get close enough to the bench, I’ll pretend I’m trying to serve Gilbert Arenas with a subpoena. Wish me luck!

More NBA!

Two more NBA divisional previews are up on the Official VM NBA Preview page! The Atlantic & the Pacific! Only one division left! Let’s hope I get it done before Sunday’s business trip to Orlando! Exclamation point!

Throw the Jew, etc., etc.

Ron Rosenbaum prefers the HBO-Borat to the movie version:

[T]o me the original Borat segments were more than stupid-funny; they were extremely smart-funny, occasionally even off-handedly profound, as the fake Kazakh newsman “personality” managed to tease out moments of appalling honesty from ordinary Americans with a light touch and brilliant comic timing that made it not about him, about Borat, being a clueless foreigner, but about us being clueless Americans. Not even clueless so much as naively blind to our own implicit smugness.

While Borat One [the HBO version] gave you brilliant comic intelligence, Borat Two [the movie version] gives you ass-in-your-face (and I mean that literally) grossness from an aggressively, smugly dumb foreigner. Borat One had at least a touch of the sweetness of Andy Kaufman’s Latka, his “Foreign Man,” incarnation. Borat Two, alas, is more Yakov Smirnoff hammily exploiting his accent. They botched the joke.

Unrequired Reading: Nov. 3, 2006

Official VM buddy Tom Spurgeon & his brother Whit sacrifice themselves to The Guiding Light in order to chronicle the soap opera’s tie-in episode with Marvel Comics.

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Two tax articles from Slate: the continuing phenomenon of Bushenfreude — those who benefit from the Republican tax cuts but contribute to Democrat politicians, and Bono/U2’s decision to reduce its tax burden by moving its music publishing company out of Ireland:

“Preventing the poorest of the poor from selling their products while we sing the virtues of the free market … that’s a justice issue,” Bono said at a prayer breakfast attended by President Bush, Jordan’s King Abdullah, and various members of Congress earlier this year. Preaching this sort of thing has made Bono a perennial candidate for the Nobel Peace Prize. He continued:

Holding children to ransom for the debts of their grandparents . . . that’s a justice issue. Withholding life-saving medicines out of deference to the Office of Patents . . . that’s a justice issue.

And relocating your business offshore in order to avoid paying taxes to the Republic of Ireland, where poverty is higher than in almost any other developed nation?

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Dan Drezner examines the importance of China in negotiations with North Korea. I believe I’ve said it before: When you manage to get the U.S., Russia, China and Japan on the same page against you, you have severely messed up.

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BLDGBLOG remains one of the most eerie/haunting sites out there. This post about offshore oil rigs proves my point.

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When we gaze into the Barack, does the Barack gaze back at us?

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In honor of the premiere of Borat, the UK press has been doing interest stories from Kazakhstan.

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Reason on misreading the Beats.

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I know enough small publicly-held company execs who would agree with this post: SOX sucks.

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It’s Ron-Ron’s world.

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And in honor of the NBA season kick-off (as it were): Kieran Darcy gives up on the Knicks, about 10 years after I did.

The Living Thank You, Too!

Happy Day of the Dead, all you zombies and zombettes!

To commemorate the event, I was too exhausted this morning to write up more NBA previews, so the next update will be this evening. But I decided to make this blog easier for readers who don’t give a crap about the NBA (and the humorous takes Tom Spurgeon & I provide) by moving the hoops previews to a separate page!

So head over to the Official VM NBA Preview page to check out the new postings, and come back here for my other wacky ruminations. I promise to get a good Unrequired Reading together tomorrow morning!

USA Tomorrow?

One of the aspects of This Travelin’ Life that I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned is the complimentary copies of USA Today that hotels distribute. While it’s not a paper I read under typical circumstances, it’s kinda comforting to find the issue waiting outside my door when I head out for breakfast during these trade show trips. This morning, I took my copy down with me and read it over migas and coffee. Lots of coffee.

The lead article in today’s Life section was “Mainline pulls in Protestants,” discussing a trend that may or may not be occurring among christians. I wasn’t interested in reading it until I noticed the headline for the story on its second-page jump: “Like television, religion is now ‘highly fragmented'”.

Those editors sure know how to get my attention.

This almost got trumped by the two articles on page 2 of the business section: “Flat wages, rising key prices a double whammy” and “After trailing inflation, wages rise at fastest rate since 2004.”

Fortunately, the absurdities and contradictions of USA Today’s headline writers was beaten by a giant ad in the News section:

How To Be $1,835,360 Richer
Win 95.12% Of All Trades
And Still Lose Nothing . . .
Even If You’re Absolutely 100% Wrong

On the plus side, the paper did tell me that PW Botha died.

The conference wraps up today, and I’ll be flying back into Newark Airport tonight. Which airport is that? Oh, you know: the one where they had a 90% failure rate in finding knives & explosives in check-in bags during a test, where two jets just “bumped wings” on the taxiway, and where an incoming plane from Orlando landed on the taxiway instead of the runway.

Oh, and I’ll be flying to Orlando next week.