Category: New Orleans

Well, dear readers, it’s holiday time, so your Virtual Memoirist is bugging out. I just finished a 366-page issue of my magazine, and now the official VM fiancee and I are packing out bags so we can visit her family in Louisiana for a while.

After last year’s food poisoning disaster, Amy elected to avoid sushi and pizza for the last few days. We did end up eating some variation of Mexican all week, but hey.

I plan to take lots more NO,LA pix, to complement the various other New Orleans photos I’ve taken in the last year or so (none of which I’ve moved up to Flickr yet).

I hope the holidays go well for everybody. I’m going to take some time to relax between Christmas and the new year. Maybe read a book or two. I’ll try to keep in touch.

As promised, here are pix of our French Quarter excursion from Saturday.

We started out in the flea market at the edge of the Quarter, looking for cheap sunglasses and funny T-shirts. We batted .500 on that one.

The Cafe Du Monde will reopen tomorrow.

We’re getting married up in that building, with its great view of the river and the square.

Bourbon Street’s never a pretty sight by the light of day.

We ate at Cafe Amelie.

It was a cliche, sure, but I went to Preservation Hall when I was a student down here.

A couple of musicians were performing near Jackson Square.

The Square was pretty haunting, because it was so empty, I guess. I don’t recall ever walking through the middle of it before. It looks unreal to me, like a perfectly manicured Disneyscape.

Bonus picture: My breakfast partner contended that I am “cool, awesome and handsome”, but three-year-olds’ standards are pretty low.

Got back from the French Quarter a few hours ago. During the drive in, we wondered what areas were hit badly by the flood. Then we passed over the 17th St. Canal, and realized what it really looked like. The landscape was gray-brown. It was as if the floodwaters took the color with them when they were pumped away. Amy sez it was like going from Oz back to Kansas.

We came in via I-10, and got off at the Poydras St. exit, the Superdome looming before us. The roof was half-tarped, the rest looking rusted and corroded. Off the highway, the first few traffic lights were shut down for lack of power. Closer into the central business district, the lights were active. There were a few lane-shifting detours on Poydras, but the drive was pretty smooth. Amy said that it was the easiest drive in to New Orleans that she’d ever seen.

We drove past the French Market on Decatur, parked on the edge of the Quarter, and started walking around. Our first challenge was to find funny T-shirts about the storm in the section of the marketplace that was operating. Unfortunately, there wasn’t a good selection of really good ones. A few were variations on the Survivor logo. One was a collegiate-looking design about being part of the relief team. The best was one that read, “FEMA: Federal Employees Missing Again.” I guess I should’ve mentioned that, down here, “FEMA is a four-letter word,” as Amy’s dad said after we got off the plane.

So we checked out the selection of cheap T-shirts, sunglasses and other junk, because nothing says French Quarter to me like a selection of cheap T-shirts. Well, drunken frat boys and momentarily topless girls are a close second, but I’m all about the cheap novelties.

We started walking toward Jackson Square, which is across the street from Jax Brewery, the building where we’re having the wedding. The square was utterly empty, a sight I’ve never seen, including the time in 1999 I got locked out of my hotel room and had to walk around the city all night long. There were tourists around, but not many. They were interspersed with military and police, as well as some locals and some indigents.

Amy had some trepidation when she noticed several cockroaches lying dead on the pavement. “Looks like natural causes,” she said. “I didn’t think cockroaches had natural causes to die from.”

Jax Brewery was sealed up; a couple of the restaurants and stores had signs up saying they’d be open for business on Nov. 1. Across the street, Caf� Du Monde–which Amy was really hoping to hit so she could score some beignets–said that it’ll reopen on Wednesday. There was a sort of anticipatory air in that section of the quarter, as shopkeepers talked about which locations would soon open, and what it took to get their own locations up and running.

We headed over toward Bourbon Street, figuring we’d find an open restaurant for lunch, and also to scope out the bar scene. Pat O’Brien’s is still closed, so I’m afraid you won’t find any photos of me drinking a Hurricane. We checked out Johnny White’s, which was the only bar to stay open through the entire hurricane and its aftermath. It wasn’t distinguished, but that’s Bourbon Street for you.

We thought of stopping in at the Tropical Isle for a Hand Grenade, but we discovered an interesting phenomenon about Bourbon Street: If you remove the reek of beer and tourist-piss, the street and environs smell overwhelmingly of ass. I guess there’s some strange gestalt at work, with a stable, less-offensive smell emerging from the grotesque odors of those streets.

Given the out-of-balance smell, the scene really wasn’t conducive to eating or drinking. We got lunch a few streets over at Caf� Amelie, which was pleasant and overpriced. There were about 10-12 customers in the courtyard, brunching away on the limited menu. We sat inside where it was cooler and split a muffaletta and a roast-beef sammich. Looking outside, I noticed how utterly clear and blue the sky was today. I told Amy that it reminded me of the days after 9/11, which were cruelly lovely. If you’re sitting in a city of ghosts, shouldn’t it be dark and foreboding?

We got back to meandering, and approached Jackson Square from the other end, by the state building and the church. Pirates Alley, home to an eponymous bookstore, was all shuttered doors. I couldn’t remember which doorway was that of the bookstore, and that depressed me a little. I hope it comes back, but that brings me back to the issue of how they’ll bring the city back to life.

There was a pair of musicians playing on the corner, getting tips from the few tourists for their Beatles medley. That square is usually crammed with musicians, psychics and painters, but now it’s bare bones. Dying or sleeping? When will we know?

We talked about how much progress the city’s going to make in the next few months and how our friends who come in for the wedding won’t believe our descriptions of this weekend. If it sleeps, can it dream?

Keep walking:

Muriel’s, with a limited dinner menu for the next few weeks

military Hummers parked up on sidewalks

a couple walking into the Square, the woman photographing the man in front of the statue of Andrew Jackson

an open door in the Jax Brewery building, entryway for the elevators to the condos, a relief of air conditioning in the well-appointed hallway

horse-drawn carriages waiting at the Square, an occasional guest climbing in for a tour of the empty town

refrigerators on the sidewalk, covered in magic-marker scrawls against the White House

the pigeons devouring bread, a gift

We drove home. When I got in, my only NO,LA-based buddy wrote to me. He’s been relocated to Houston, and he’s getting along.

As I mentioned a few posts ago, I took some pix down in Louisiana last weekend. I meant to post them earlier, but my flight trouble Monday/Tuesday, combined with the official VM Mom‘s flight delays yesterday, left me with no time or energy to get to processing them.

Without further ado:

Here’s a streetcorner in New Orleans. I liked the color composition, but the day was pretty overcast and ugly.

This is the Cornstalk Fence Inn, which doesn’t seem to require much by way of explanation.

Jackson Square. It was, as mentioned, overcast and foggy.

Really overcast and foggy. This is the Mississippi.

Did I mention that fog?

AAIEE! Ghost ship! With gambling!

Another composition I liked. A local mentioned that it used to be a brothel.

Back to the home of the official VM girlfriend‘s parents in Des Allemands! Time for lunch!

I’m not joking here. It’s a whole table of boiled, seasoned crawfish.

Mason (official VM girlfriend’s godson) doesn’t know what to make of it all. I had some trepidation when they warned me, “Don’t eat the dead ones.”

“You mean there are live ones?”

Evidently, if the crawfish’s tail is straight, that means it was dead before it was boiled with the others. That means it might taste funny or have weird microbes. You know: as opposed to the ones that were pulled live out of the carcinogen-laced Mississippi runoff.

“You actually eat those?” Mason asked. I was with him. I ate the meat from the tail, but I was convinced they were just pulling my leg about sucking the juice from the front half. “But not too hard, or the other stuff comes loose.”

On Easter, Mason broke out the John Deere tractor.

He hauled ass for a while.

The tyke at rest.

It was a fun trip, even with the general trepidation that’s supposed to come with “meeting the folks.” My own can be pretty entertaining, so I never make a big deal out of meeting other people’s.

I’ll be in Dallas for a couple of days next week, and I’ll try to get some nice pix down there. As I recall, though, it had one of the most grotesque skylines I’ve ever seen. My other main memory of Dallas is jumping around a hotel room, blown up on Colt 45, cheering as Charlie Hayes caught the last out for the Yankees in the 1996 World Series.

Oh, and there’s the time I almost got killed in a sports bar in the hotel. I’ll save that one for later.

Official VM girlfriend: Take a right on Camp. I think it turns into Decatur.

Gil: Are you sure? I thought Camp turns into Kitsch! Bwah-ha-hah!

(Thanks. I’ll be here all week.)

Made it into Des Allemands, LA last night. Had the pleasant surprise, after checking in at Continental, to find that my seat had been upgraded to first class. I hadn’t flown first class since 1990, so this rocked the house.

The official VM girlfriend was unhappy about having to sit in row 29, squeezed between two fat passengers, but I’m sure she was assuaged by the in-flight movie.

After we got in, her family took us to Drago’s, where I got to experience some famous char-broiled oysters. Her dad said he tried to use their recipe at home, but the grill wouldn’t get as hot as they keep it at the restaurant.

“Also, some of the oyster-shells would explode.”

Off to New Orleans today. It was about 78 degrees with 245% humidity at 8am, but it’s better than ice and snow.

So sorry to be away, dear reader. I’ve been working on some nefarious plots (moo-hoo-ha-ha-ha) that have taken away from my VM time. I’ll fill you in when they come to fruition.

Today, I’m heading off with the official VM girlfriend to Louisiana to see her family for Easter. Keep in mind, Easter’s not a particularly fun holiday for Jews to be on the outskirts of, but she sez her family doesn’t make any sort of somber occasion out of it. I literally have no idea what gentiles do on Easter, so it oughtta be fun, anthropologically speaking. As long as they don’t break out in a chorus of Throw the Jew Down the Well, everything oughtta be fine.

I still haven’t put together any sorta coherent opinion about the Schiavo case, except to feel bad about noting the irony that she got into this condition because of an eating disorder.

On the radio Wednesday, I heard Governor Pataki (R-NY) explain how the NFL will bring the Superbowl to New York in 2010 if the city builds the new stadium. I thought, “How wonderful! Eventually, New York City will be able to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with cities like Jacksonville and Tempe!”

That’s all the funny you’re getting.