All the things you try to hide

One Saturday morning in the spring of 1998, I woke up and thought about Stacy Guess. I hadn’t kept up with him in the five years since I’d graduated college, and decided to look him up online. This was pre-Google and pre-Wikipedia, so it took some effort. Also, computers were powered by coal back then.

Stacy and his girlfriend Holly came to Hampshire together from North Carolina. She was a dance student around my age; he was five years older than me and the coolest guy I’d ever met. I’m talking Chet Baker cool, not Fonzie cool. He was a trumpet player, a philosophy major, and a good conversationalist. He was incredibly thin, with Peter Weller cheekbones, and could wear a fedora without douchebagginess. He was hip. I was the guy who looked like Napoleon Dynamite.

Stacy and I lived in the same dorm, the “silent floor” of Dakin house, a 10-room hall nicknamed “The Morgue.” Despite our age and coolness gaps, we got along well, trading music and shooting the breeze along with another Morgue-mate, Mark F. Stacy returned my copy of Thomas Dolby’s Astronauts and Heretics CD all scratched up and unplayable, but I was too much of a pussy to mention that to him.

I graduated, and five years later I woke up and wondered what had become of him.

Within a few minutes, I discovered that Stacy was in Squirrel Nut Zippers, the NC Dixie, jazz, swing, klez-fusion band that had scored a hit the previous year with “Hell.” That’s the one about how in the afterlife, you could be headed for the serious strife. The album, Hot, went platinum. David Gates wrote a neat little piece about it. I thought, “Awesome! You made good, pal!”

A few clicks later, I read, “Stacy had left the band by the time they recorded Hot.” I thought, “Dumbfuck! You got out right before the getting got good!”

I kept searching and then discovered that Stacy had died of a heroin overdose just a few weeks earlier. I thought, “. . .”

I got in touch with Holly the following Monday. She told me that they’d split up long before the end, but that she was still devastated at the news. She told me she and Stacy had stayed in touch with Mark, which I’d failed to do because I was a dick in my last years at Hampshire.

She got me Mark’s info, and said he’d like to hear from me. He told me some anecdotes of Stacy’s manipulative, self-destructive behavior in his last years. I felt sad for Holly, Mark, and Stacy’s family. Of course, I thought about that Squirrel Nut Zippers song, but not in a “drug addicts go to hell!” kinda way; it was more in a “man, that guy’s life must’ve been hell” kinda way.

A few years later, in a used record store on St. Marks, I found Legacy, a compilation CD of Stacy’s music from different bands and solo recordings. Proceeds went to a music scholarship at his high school in Chapel Hill.

On Facebook, Holly posted a note that Stacy died 12 years ago today. She’s doing well: living in NC, a couple of cute kids, likes to sing. At least, that’s what I glean from her FB page. So that’s why I wrote about it. Sorry to be so deathy this year.

What It Is: 3/8/10

What I’m reading: Winesburg, Ohio, by Sherwood Anderson, and The Ask, by Sam Lipsyte.

What I’m listening to: A new Mad Mix I’m finishing up.

What I’m watching: Shopgirl, which felt like Steve Martin’s poor attempt at being LA’s Woody Allen.

What I’m drinking: Death’s Door Gin & Q-Tonic

What Rufus & Otis are up to: Well, Rufus is celebrating his second anniversary in our home today, but Otis got a little too aggressive with a neighbor’s dog a few days ago and nipped the poor guy on the foreleg. That said, I warned the owner around a million times that Otis isn’t good around smaller dogs, and that it wasn’t a good idea for her to bring her pup over. No harm done (her dog has really thick, curly fur that kinda protected it), and she was the one apologizing. Also:

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Where I’m going: Nowhere, although I’ve got a court appearance this Wednesday as part of the never-ending process of recovering the vet fees that resulted from Rufus’ attack lat May.

What I’m happy about: Two years of Ru without rue. Also, it’s my mom’s [cough, cough]th birthday! Congrats!

What I’m sad about: Amy won the rodering battle at her birthday dinner at Marea on Saturday night, with her Baccala antipasti. Who new salt cod, polenta and beets would whup everything else on the menu (except for the Ricci, of course).

What I’m worried about: How I’ll deal with the fact that I didn’t win an Oscar before turning 40.

What I’m pondering: What I should be doing with my reading and writing. I kinda want to write a long-form essay that would require 10 tons of reading and work, and I can’t imagine any sorta market for it.

Sometimes

I don’t open books at random too often, but I just did, because I’m kinda bored with Shopgirl, and this was the book I was using as a mouse-pad for my new jerry-rigged media center:

Before I was shot, I always thought that I was more half-there than all-there — I always suspected that I was watching TV instead of living life. People sometimes say that the way things happen in the movies is unreal, but actually it’s the way things happen to you in life that’s unreal. The movies make emotions look so strong and real, whereas when things really do happen to you, it’s like watching television — you don’t feel anything.

Right when I was being shot and ever since, I knew that I was watching television. The channels switch, but it’s all television. When you’re really really involved with something, you’re usually thinking about something else. When something’s happening, you’re usually thinking about something else.

—The Philosophy of Andy Warhol (From A to B and Back Again)

What It Is: 3/1/10

What I’m reading: Alec: The Years Have Pants, and an article in the New Yorker about Montaigne that one of my pals forwarded me a few month ago.

What I’m listening to: The soundtracks to Sunshine and Moon, as recommended by Jason Kottke.

What I’m watching: The Conversation, Frost/Nixon, Funny People, Coraline, and the U.S./Canada gold medal hockey game. That was the only event I watched from the entire 2+ weeks of Winter Olympics coverage.

What I’m drinking: Old Raj and/or Hendricks and Q-Tonic.

What Rufus & Otis are up to: Neither of them is too happy about the 20″ of snow we got pasted with last week. Otis managed to eat a mouse that had died from the bait trips we left out for it in the garage. Apparently, my library was on his little mouse bucket list, so he died in the middle of that room, where Otis found him and swallowed him whole. I tried to get Mickey out of his mouse, but by the time I got to him and pried his mouth open, all I could see was the end of the mouse’s tail going down Otis’ gullet. It doesn’t look like there was enough poison in the little guy to affect Otis, happily enough. With his propensity for curling up in a tight ball in the sun, we always joked that Otis is part-cat. Now we know the horrible truth; he’s all cat.

Where I’m going: Nowhere in particular, but I managed to get roped into a round-trip to Philadelphia that literally amounted to 3 minutes of parking before driving back (130+ miles) home. All this to pick up a collection of files that could have easily been packed into a box or two and shipped up to me. I’m peeved about this.

What I’m happy about: It stopped snowing. AFTER FORTY-EIGHT HOURS.

What I’m sad about: That I finally watched a hockey game all the way through, and my country failed. I’ll never watch hockey again. Sob!

What I’m worried about: Flying from Brazil to Paris.

What I’m pondering: What to get my wife for her birthday (it’s Wednesday, btw).

Crazy Apes

I haven’t posted an ape-attack story in a long time (ook!), so here’s the sad story of the Connecticut policeman who had to shoot Travis, an enraged, 200-lb. chimp, to death last year. Travis, you may recall, had mauled a friend of his owner.

It’s a little Reno 911!-like to visualize the chimp actually opening the police car’s driver-side door, while Officer Chiafari was in the car, but his description of the scene and the Ms. Nash’s wounds is downright horrifying, so don’t click through if you’ve got a weak stomach.

Even as Officer C. struggles with PTSD and depression, I think we can all learn from his closing words:

“I consider [Travis] a victim,” he said. “He should have been in the jungle where he’s supposed to be. Not in a house drinking wine and taking Xanax.”

Sometimes I feel that way myself. Then I switch to gin and Ambien. Ook!