Geneva Conventional

Here’s an out-take from yesterday’s insanely long rambling post. Which is to say, it could actually have been longer and ramblinger:

On the last night of the conference, Amy & I went out to meet her pal Mike for ribs. He promised that the place — a little hole-in-the-wall on the Lower East Side named Georgia’s — had the best ribs anywhere. There were, in fact, awfully darn good. The waitress, who didn’t have one angle of viewing from which you could say, “She’s kinda hot,” placed our plate of two-and-a-half ribs in front of Amy, which we felt implied that she should eat them all. The waitress contended it would give her a fighting chance, since Mike & I were likely going to demolish the whole platter.

After dinner, we meandered on to Mike’s subway stop, taking a side trip into an immense Whole Foods that contained an amazing selection of beer. It made me kinda sad that I don’t really like beer.

(That said, I had an awesome beer two nights earlier, out at dinner at August with Amy & her pals Kate & Carl. It was Alba Scots Pale Ale, and Carl, who’s British, took one sip of mine and said, “It tastes like . . . Christmas,” before ordering a bottle for himself.)

Amy & I decided to stop at Madam Geneva on the way home. It’s a bar connected to the Double Crown, a restaurant where we had brunch on Easter. Allegedly, it has the greatest selection of gin in the city. What was I supposed to do? Let it go unchallenged?

The outside door to the bar had a sign saying the entry was from the restaurant, around the corner. We headed into the Double Crown, walked back to the second dining room, which should have connected to the bar. There were tables set up, but no patrons in the back room. Also, there was no door to Madam Geneva. We walked back out, puzzled, into the main room of the restaurant. Amy started to look downstairs for a sign that would lead to the bar. I walked to another area that turned out to be the kitchen. One of the busboys saw me, and asked if I was looking for the bar. I said I was, and he directed me back into the empty dining room. He pointed to the corner of the room, and I realized there was a hidden door, painted and wainscoted to look like the dining-room wall. I took that as a good sign, in a speakeasy-ish kinda way, and headed into the bar.

It took a while to get the bartender’s attention. During that time, I looked over the gin selection, while Amy headed back out to the restaurant area to use the restroom. The bar did have a couple of bottles that I haven’t tried yet, so I took that as a good sign. Bols Genever caught my eye, and I thought I’d try a G&T with it.

“What can I get for you?” asked the bartender.

“I’d like a G&T with the Bols,” I told him. “What tonic do you use? Q-Tonic? Stirrings?” I thought this might be one of those joints that actually makes its own tonic water, and I’d come off as a gin-philistine.

“Nah,” the bartender said. He pointed to the nozzle on the bar: “We just use the shitty stuff.”

I looked at him for a second or two, then said, “Really?”

“Yeah,” he confirmed.

I said, “Thanks,” and walked out. Amy was just heading into the bar, and asked why we were leaving. “Tap tonic water,” I said.

She blanched. “Really?”

Really. I know I’m going to come off as a gin snob, but non-corn-syrup tonic water is like a revelation. It makes you realize that the shitty tonic water demolishes most of the flavors and subtlety of gin. So serving up high-end gin with low-grade tonic water is . . . well, it’s like Anthony Bourdain’s rant about burgers made of kobe beef. I’m lifting this from this guy, since the Maxim interview it’s from isn’t online. (But, to paraphrase Liz Lemon, Maxim’s “I’d Rape That” list is downloadable.)

“Why meatheads eat Kobe burgers” by Anthony Bourdain

Enterprising restaurants are now offering the “Kobe beef burger,” enticingly priced at near or above $100 a pop. And if there’s a better way to prove one’s total ignorance of all three words — Kobe, beef, and burger — this, my friends, is it. It’s the trifecta of dumb-ass. The Kobe experience is principally about the marbling, the even distribution of fat through lean. A hamburger is a bunch of lean beef thrown into a grinder with varying degrees of fat. If you are foolish enough to order a Kobe burger, you are entirely missing the point. Firstly, the fat will melt right out of the thing while cooking. Secondly, you are asking the chef to destroy the very textural notes for which Kobe is valued by smarter people. Thirdly, for an eight-ounce Kobe burger, you are paying for the chef to feed you all the outer fat and scrap bits he trimmed off the outside of his “real” Kobe so he can afford to serve properly trimmed steaks to wiser patrons who know what the hell they’re doing. And fourthly, you’re paying a hundred bucks for a freakin’ hamburger! Get over yourself! You’ve already established you’re too drunk and stupid to enjoy it in the first place.

I could also liken it to people who light cigars by applying the flame directly to the tobacco and huffing and puffing on the other end. See, when you do that, you’re scorching the tobacco and destroying the taste of the cigar, because the air you’re drawing in is coming into contact with the carbonized mess you left. Instead, hold the cigar slightly out of contact with the source of the flame, letting it heat the edge and —

Oh, forget it. My point is, if you drink high-end gin with supermarket tonic water, you’re a dumb poser. Go read another blog.

High Line, Low Key

[There’s a slideshow, which will be much more interesting than this post, I’m sure. This is one of those lengthy rambles / reminiscences / meditations (ha!) in NYC.]

Last week, I had a conference in NYC, so my co-workers and I stayed at The Inn on 23rd, a great little hotel (14 rooms). Amy & I were in the Skylight room, which is on the top (5th) floor, in the back of the building. Awesome space, really quiet, and the skylight was just marvelous (except when I was leaving the shower to gret dressed and realized that I may have given a free show to the people in the adjacent office building).

The hotel was a 1.5-mile walk from the convention center, so I managed to get in my customary 3+ miles of walking each day. It wasn’t the same without Rufus & Otis, but I figured they wouldn’t take well to the din of the city. Or the cat who lives in the lobby of the hotel.

On top of the round trip (and the extensive walking inside the convention center to visit clients and sessions), I walked another 2+ miles on Tuesday evening, to meet up with coworkers and advertiser-pals for dinner at Il Cortile, a wonderful Italian joint on Mulberry Street. I’d never been down Mulberry before; my only exposure to it was the Billy Joel song and a dream-sequnce from Moonlighting, c.1988. As Mulberry heads south toward Canal St., almost every storefront is either an Italian restaurant or a souvenir shop. Each of the restaurants had a guy on the sidewalk, trying to talk people into that joint for a meal. I don’t recall ever seeing that in the U.S. before. As opposed to having seen it in every single European city I’ve visited. So that was nice.

I decided to take that walk after a day at the conference (rather than cabbing down to the restaurant) when I opened my RSS reader in the evening and found a note that a couple of cartoonists I like — Frank Santoro and Dash Shaw — were going to have a conversation / Q&A at McNally Jackson Books in SoHo. I’d never been to that bookstore, so I thought I’d walk down, see it and Frank and Dash, and dash.

McNally Jackson was fine, but walking among the shelves made me lament the fact that bookstores don’t mean as much to me as they used to (because of online accessibility and the immensity of my personal library, not because I don’t read anymore). On the other hand, the conversation between Dash & Frank was awfully entertaining. I only got to stay for the first portion, which consisted of Dash asking questions and Frank answering while also discussing a number of panels and page layouts projected on a screen behind them. Frank, whose work I’ve seen but haven’t read (I’ll get to Storeyville this week, before I see Frank a week or so from now at TCAF), had some very ‘interesting’ remarks about his approach to drawing. As someone who’s seemingly incapable of visual thinking, I find it illuminating when artists talk about how they see / render the world. (Speaking of which, you should read this article about Jaime Hernandez in the Village Voice.) In this case, I enjoyed hearing Frank’s takes on how he can’t use photo-reference, the benefits of collaboration and the assembly-line style of mainstream comics production, the importance of grounding scenes in space, why he won’t use gutter space between panels (because of the “black dot” optical illusion at the intersection of perpendicular gutter spaces) and why he’ll sometimes write “LAKE” in a landscape sketch rather than draw waves, shading, etc.

I sorta blissed out over this stuff. See, I was in the midst of three days of conversations about the pharma industry, contract manufacturing, bankruptcies, executive idiocy, the decline of the West, and the like, so it was really just a joy for me to hear two smart guys talk about making comics.

SO: the rest of the week was the aforementioned pharma-conference, which went fine. I got out Thursday afternoon, picked up the dogs, got home and promptly fell asleep for 45 minutes, till my wife called, so I could pick her up at the bus stop.

Friday was an absolutely frenetic day at work, trying to get the May issue into shape. My production manager was supposed to return from an 8-day tour of Italy the previous weekend, but the volcano in Iceland left her stranded in Rome. There was no sign of her as of Friday, so I just took care of everything I could, and hoped all the ad materials will be in place when we send the book out this Tuesday. (She got home over the weekend and spent most of Monday busily trying to get our magazine together.)

And then there was Saturday, which brings me to the center of this post. Amy had a photography class / seminar in NYC on Saturday afternoon, so I drove her in and then spent the next four hours wandering around. I was really looking forward to just strolling through the city in a different way than I did during the week: no suit, comfy shoes, bright sunlight, and no work-emails to keep up with.

I had a few destinations in mind — LEO Design, The Liquor Store, Porto Rico Importing, and maybe Beto Hernandez’ book signing at Midtown Comics — but really I just wanted to wander. Like the way I’m doing now!

My first stop was LEO, following a recommendation by The Sartorialist a few weeks ago. It was a cozy store, with three friendly staffers behind the counter, one of whom talked me into buying a pair of cufflinks that I should not have spent quite so much money on. That said, they are gorgeous little things, aren’t they? I mean, I am an editor, right?

I chatted with the clerk (owner?) for a bit, and perhaps too eagerly mentioned that I had the afternoon free because my wife was in class (as we all know, of course, no man can resist my charms). He asked me if I’d visited the High Line park yet. I hadn’t, and Amy & I had talked about it during the drive in. I asked him where the best access point is, and he directed me to 14th and Washington St.

For those of you not in the know, the High Line is a stretch of abandoned elevated rail line on Manhattan’s west side that was recently converted into a park. Well, a 10-block length of it was; there’s another mile or so that they’d like to rehabilitate, but I think that’s under dispute with the MTA. I saw part of the unconverted line last week during my walk back from the Javits Center and I thought, “Boy, that sure doesn’t look like a park.” Also, on one of my walks home, I took 7th Ave. and discovered the irony that the Fashion Institute of Technology operates out of a monstrously ugly building. But that’s just New York.

Anyway, I took his advice, stopped off at The Chocolate Bar on 8th for a coffee and a brownie, walked up to 14th, and took the elevator up to the High Line (the stairs were blocked by construction).

The High Line is a symbol of everything that’s wrong with Bloomberg’s New York. Or it’s a symbol of the city’s revitalization, or its Disneyfication, or something else altogether. I forget. I can tell you that it’s pretty up there. The views aren’t breathtaking, but it’s an adorable oasis. I mean, it’s not like people are clamoring for a view of Chelsea and the hideous new architecture. You should take a break from this meandering post and check out my pix from the High Line. I’ll wait.

* * *

Enjoy it? I even cataloged a bunch of those awful new buildings for you! I’m the best.

Anyway, after the park, I decided to take a long walk to TriBeCa and visit The Liquor Store, J. Crew’s men’s boutique. Amy & I tried to go there on Easter Sunday, after a brunch with some friends in the Village, but discovered that it was closed for the holiday. I was bummed, because it was a longish walk and Amy didn’t have the most comfortable shoes on. Still, she’s a trouper. Also, I think she’s just happy that I’m finally interested in dressing well. There’s a whole other lengthy / self-justifying post about my new-found interest in (understated) fashion, but I don’t have the heart to write it just yet.

That Easter walk was down high-fashion-retail-centric West Broadway, which was crammed with shoppers and outdoor-brunchers. Last Saturday, I walked downtown via Greenwich St., two(ish) blocks from the Hudson, and the population grew sparser with each block. Crossing Houston was a non-event, in contrast to the usual frenetic crossing as you head further east. Here, it was all office buildings and occasional storefronts. One of the most telling signs of its business-only vibe was when I saw a Starbucks that was closed on weekends.

Canal St., on the other hand, was marked by the endless procession of cars trying to get to the Holland Tunnel. I crossed that at a light, headed over to Varick, and made it to the Liquor Store pretty quickly. Of course, it was a disappointment. The shop carried a few things unavailable at a regular J. Crew men’s and the catalog — like $250 straw hats (!) — but the store really wasn’t anything special. Even the layout, a converted liquor store, worked against it, as 6 or 7 shoppers and a couple of staffers added up to a cluttered, unnavigable space. Still, they conned me into making the trip, so I guess that’s working for them.

Crestfallen-ish, I headed back up to Canal St. The volume of people grew rapidly and I began getting a little antsy. Foolishly, I turned up Broadway to head back north. The funny thing about Broadway between Houston and Canal is that it’s like an outdoor version of New Jersey. Seriously: it’s just one mall clothing or shoe store after another. There are a couple of other NYC neighborhoods that also make me feel like they’re aspiring to be a high-end NJ mall, an irony that I’d find funny if it weren’t so sad.

Anyway, bugging out from the sudden overload of noise and bodies, I ducked into Muji, one of the only B’way stores that isn’t in NJ. Readers with too much time on their hands may recall a Muji visit in one of these meandering posts a few years ago. For those of you who don’t, I put the link there for a reason.

The Muji (Japan’s Ikea) store was busy, but I found it immediately calming. Something about the simplicity of the designs on display just puts me at ease. I found my thought patterns mimicking those structure of that Warhol book I just finished, except I didn’t come up with any good aphorisms.

There are some neat passages about shopping in New York in the book. I went into Macy’s on 34th St. one day last week on the way home, and it reminded me of the part where A goes underwear shopping with B. Warhol ‘writes,’ “I would rather watch somebody buy their underwear than read a book they wrote.” I found a casual dress shirt at Muji and convinced a couple of women to buy their famous fold-up cardboard speakers. I thought about buying one of their notepads, but I have too many notepads that are nearly empty. I haven’t written in my journal more than once in the past three weeks. I need to get back to a weekly early-morning breakfast at the Skyline Luncheonette, where I’m the weird guy who starts writing after finishing his meal.

After Muji, I returned to the fray, hurrying up Broadway to get back to NoHo and put some distance between me and the madding crowd. Not likely, on such a lovely day, but at least it’d be a different madding crowd. I stepped into Porto Rico Importing to buy some coffee beans, since my regular brand seems to be under embargo. The store was busy and crowded, but the smell of all that coffee was as comforting as Muji’s clean lines. I used to go to Porto Rico’s store on St. Marks Place, but the charms I once found on that street have largely dissipated. It was a mutual breakup; the street got more touristy-punk and my interests in buying comics and used CDs has waned. I still have a sentimental attachment to the neighborhood, since St. Marks Bookshop is where my wife & I first laid eyes on each other (in person; our first contact was online, so it’s not like it was a totally blind date), but New Jersey-fication has crept into this area, too.

With 24 oz. of coffee beans wrapped up in my pack, I stopped for a schawarma around Minetta & MacDougal, where I listened to a couple of NYU kids discuss how prep school didn’t prepare them for the possibility that they’d get poor grades for not attending classes. I laughed to myself, then thought about how these kids were literally half my age, and stopped laughing. A few years ago, a pal of mine who’s an NYU prof invited me to one of her classes. I thought maybe it was a grad class and the girls were in their mid-20’s; they were freshmen, mostly 18.

For some reason, I then subjected myself to walking through Washington Square Park. Parts of the park are being worked on, so the tourists and students were packed into a much smaller area. No one offered to sell me weed this time, but no one mistook me for a narc this time, either. At the center of the park, as the leaf-canopied path opened up to bright sunlight, I was reminded of the bridal photo-shoot Amy did here last November, and what a lovely time that was, even though I was sick/exhausted in an undefined way.

From the park, I walked up to Forbidden Planet, in hopes of finding the new issue of Pete Bagge’s Hate. Embarrassingly (for them), they didn’t have any copies. I did manage to pick up Brendan McCarthy’s new comic, so it wasn’t a waste of time. I wrote off a stop at Midtown Comics early in my wanderings; trekking up to 40th would’ve been too out of the way, and the neighborhood would’ve reminded me too much of the previous week’s walks up to the Javits Center.

Instead, I headed back toward the garage where I’d parked on 13th St. It was near 5 p.m., and Amy’s photo-class would soon be finishing, so I’d have to pick her up around 28th. I had a coffee and a gelato at an Italian-ish dessert place that would have been laughed at by the Mulberry St. crowd, but I’m as much of a tourist as everyone else.

She called, and I picked up the car and headed west along 13th to 8th Ave., which would take me uptown. Under normal circumstances. In this case, sawhorses blocked off 8th Ave. at 14th St. for a street fair, forcing all traffic west or east along 14th. I phoned Amy and told her to head over to 10th Ave., so I could pick her up there and then head over to the Lincoln to get back to NJ.

8th Ave. was a crawl. Traffic police were only waving through a few cars at a time, mostly from the designated left-turn lane. I was trapped in the center lane, waiting for my turn. At one point, the two cars ahead of me were waved through, but as I started to advance, the cop held up the open palm of “stop.” I flinched with rage, and he walked over to my car. He gestured for me to lower the window. I did, and he said, “Sir, I know that you’re frustrated, but –”

I cut him off, saying, “– Oh, I understand. It’s just that the car ahead of me pushed his way through and ended up getting rewarded for being a douchebag. Don’t worry about it.”

“Well, there’s a lot of volume because of the fair, and technically, this lane isn’t even allowed to make a left turn,” he told me.

I looked at the street fair, then back to the cop. “Hey, man,” I said, gesturing at the fair, “I can drive straight through that, if that’s what you’re saying, but I really don’t think you want to deal with the paperwork.”

“. . . Good point,” he said, strolling back to the intersection. I soon drove away, under the High Line, to pick up my One True and return to the only home I’ve ever really had.

[Here’s that slideshow link again. Thanks for sticking with me.]

What It Is: 4/26/10

What I’m reading: Baby, I Don’t Care, Weathercraft, and the new Esquire.

What I’m listening to: Songs from Venice Beach, Songs You Know by Heart, Special Beat Service, A Friend of a Friend, and Signals.

What I’m watching: Animal House (which I haven’t watched in a million years and remains one of my all-time faves), Deadliest Catch, and the current HBO triumvirate of Treme, The Ricky Gervais Show, and The Life & Times of Tim.

What I’m drinking: Citadelle & Q-Tonic.

What Rufus & Otis are up to: Spending a few days with my dogless pals Sharon & Doug. They didn’t embarrass themselves or us too badly. That said, Ru climbed up on their sofa once, and Otis was obsessed with their parakeets, forcing my pals to relocate the birds to the garage. Sigh.

Where I’m going: One-day jaunt to Philadelphia this week, then Chicago & Toronto next week.

What I’m happy about: Having such a nice time wandering around NYC last Saturday.

What I’m sad about: That so many neighborhoods in NYC remind me being in a mall back in NJ.

What I’m worried about: Not much in specific. I’d been pretty worried about getting the May issue done in time, but got a lot of work done on Sunday to put that goal in reach.

What I’m pondering: Whether I’ll have time & motivation to write a series of short- or medium-length posts this week on a variety of subjects.

What It Is: 4/19/10

What I’m reading: Finished that Philosophy of Andy Warhol, and read Jim Sturm’s Market Day and Jim Woodring’s Weathercraft, along with some stuff from the new issues of the Paris Review, Monocle, GQ, and MacWorld.

What I’m listening to: Stop Making Sense, Ta-Dah, and Oblivion with Bells.

What I’m watching: Season premiere of The Deadliest Catch, which felt a little too reality-show-y this time around. I’m sure that’ll fall away once they’re out a-crabbin’. I tried watching Julie & Julia with my wife, but found the present-day sequences so poorly written that I gave up and went over to my home office to lay out pages for my May ish. One of the big problems, beyond the sheer whininess of the lead character, is that her story seems to be about her travails as she tries to cook her way through all of Julia Childs’ cookbook in a year. But most of the cooking is glossed over in favor of the tenson of trying to keep up her blog and achieve some sort of success. However, we’re watching a movie about the blog and its writer. It’s pretty fucking clear that she succeeded at her project because we’re watching this movie. So the focus was utterly in the wrong place and the drama was non-existent. They should’ve focused on the technique of cooking and the revelation of her character through it. Or, as my wife points out, “You can’t really make blogging exciting on film.” But at least the NBA playoffs started this weekend. I’ll let you know how that goes when they wrap up in six months.

What I’m drinking: Not much, as I’m recovering from a sinus infection that led to just about the worst 30-hour stretch in my life. I’m much better now and will shortly commence to drinkin’.

What Rufus & Otis are up to: Getting ready to spend a few days with my pals Sharon & Doug, who promise not to let Otis eat any small dogs while we’re away (except maybe for the yappy one that lives next door to them).

Where I’m going: NYC for the Interphex conference. Several days in a hotel, in suits, inebriated!

What I’m happy about: My alma mater walloped some Navy ass at the annual croquet match. Also, I’m not trapped in Europe right now, unlike my production manager and my editorial director.

What I’m sad about: I’ll never be as smooth as John Barrymore.

What I’m worried about: Ru or Otis will do something embarrassing while they’re houseguests.

What I’m pondering: Why I didn’t become a policeman. (Oh, the real reason why is because I can’t grow a mustache. There! I’ve said it! Sob!) Also, what I’m going to read during my NYC stay.

What It Is: 4/12/10

What I’m reading: I finished Indignation last week, and returned to The Philosophy of Andy Warhol. Picked up a bunch of comics collections on Saturday, so I’ll make time for those.

What I’m listening to: Static & Silence, by Sundays.

What I’m watching: The Men Who Stare at Goats, The September Issue, the last round of the Masters, and Treme.

What I’m drinking: Funnily/weirdly enough, I didn’t have a drink from the beginning of Passover to the Friday after it ended, an 11-day span. This weekend, I broke out the Citadelle and Q-Tonic.

What Rufus & Otis are up to: Their first Sunday greyhound hike since mid-January! And, boy, was it a long one: 5+ miles, a chunk of which was plagued by gnats, another chunk of which was sodden and muddy. And then there were the car-sized ticks. And don’t get me started on the C.H.U.D.s . . .

Where I’m going: Tonight, I’m heading out to the Nets’s final home game of the season. Since they’re moving to Newark after this season (and eventually to the land-grab arena in Brooklyn), this’ll be their final game at the Meadowlands. I thought it’d be a good way to honor the memory of my pal Sang, with whom I went to many a Nets game, both when they were losers and when Jason Kidd transformed into the best team in the east. To that end, Sang’s pal Chuck is going to come along, even though he’s not a basketball fan. I’ll letcha know how it goes. These links will be dead in a few days, but here are the NYPost‘s articles (1 and 2) on the (ignominious) history of the arena off 16W.

What I’m happy about: That on the way out of the MoCCA festival, I got to bump into Gahan Wilson. I shook his hand and said, “I just want to thank you for so many decades of wonderful cartooning.” He beamed and said, “Thank you, young man! You’re very kind!”

What I’m sad about: The only person to call me “young man” lately is 80 years old.

What I’m worried about: Having to learn another niche of the pharma biz so I can write an article on it this week.

What I’m pondering: If basset hounds are really this sad:

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