We’re about to find out if they’re bleeders

Earlier this week, one of the 2Blowhards wrote a post about the differences between Breeders & Non-Breeders. One of the big questions is which side is more selfish.

At present, I’m sitting in the President’s Club at the airport in Cleveland. There 7 or 8 other people here, mostly solo, awaiting flights. I was trying to read the book that I bought with me — Ian McEwan’s Saturday, which opens with a vision of a flaming plane crash, as I discovered before takeoff yesterday — when a woman and her two young kids entered the lounge.

Rather than go to the family room with them, mom and the loud, exuberant kids settled down about 20 feet away from me. She asked the kids what movie they wanted to watch. They settled on Flushed Away, so she put the DVD in their laptop, and is now playing the movie at full volume, without headphones. She has a newspaper covering her face. Evidently, it’s one of those newfangled ones that blocks the daggers that I’m shooting at her.

Things I never thought I’d say to a man in a bathroom

See, um, one of my coworkers is a big fan of the work of Alex Garland and Danny Boyle, and I wanted to let him know that the new science fiction film from those two was coming out this Friday.

Embarrassingly, this led to a moment in which I finished at the urinal and Tim walked out of a stall, and as we were washing our hands, I said to him:

Sunshine?

(I mean, it has a really awesome trailer, and it’s got the guy from 28 Days Later. . .)

Monday Morning Montaigne: Of books

I’m back! As with other forms of exercise, it was difficult for me to return to Montaigne’s essays after putting them off for a while. As Bizarro Aristotle says, “You make the excuses, and the excuses make you.”

What better essay to mark my return to this project than one entitled  Of books? In this one, M. discusses what books mean to him and why he reads. With his typical disingenuousness, he begins, “I have no doubt that I often happen to speak of things that are better treated by masters of the craft, and more truthfully.” He blames himself and not the books, claiming, “If I am a man of some reading, I am a man of no retentiveness.”

He proceeds to write about particular histories and memoirs that mean a lot to him, but I’m taking this opportunity to discuss another aspect of the essays, namely their strange relationship to art.

That’s because M. makes a digression to cover “books that are simply entertaining.” He finds Rabelais and Boccaccio “worth reading for amusement,” then writes, “As for the Amadises and writings of that sort, they did not have the authority to detain even my childhood.”

I was struck by the irony of that comment, since “writings of that sort” inspired Cervantes to write Don Quixote. In fact, this brings me to one of the complaints I have toward M.’s writings; his lack of interest in fiction or poetry. Now, I know that the novel wasn’t All That during his life (1533-1592), so I’ll let him off the hook with regards to the former.

Regarding verse, M. takes the opportunity to praise Virgil, Lucretius, Catullus, Horace and Lucan, but chiefly for the beauty and grace of their writing. Throughout the essays — at least, in the first 375 pages — the ancient poets get used as “color commentary,” a line or stanza here or there to illustrate a point M. has made, not as the center of an argument or a passage from which to learn. It’s clear that he knows his poetry, but it’s not clear that he gained much from it, beyond rhetoric and a sort of “beauty for beauty’s sake.”

Don’t get me wrong; I understand that the project in which he’s engaged is learning “how to die well and live well,” and that he finds essays, philosophy and histories much more useful to that process. Praising the work of historians, M. comments:

[M]an in general, the knowledge of whom I seek, appears in them [histories] more alive and entire than in any other place — the diversity and truth of his inner qualities in the mass and in detail, the variety of the ways he is put together, and the accidents that threaten him.

It’s a pity that he died before Cervantes and Shakespeare got their groove on, even though there’s a strong possibility he’d have missed the point of their work, too, given his dismissal of “Amadises” and his criticism of writers who rely on ancient plots. My reason for this crops up a page or so later, when M. dismisses long-windedness in the works of Cicero. He writes,

For me, who ask only to become wiser, not more learned or eloquent, these logical and Aristotelian arrangements are not to the point. I want a man to begin with the conclusion. I understand well enough what death and pleasure are; let him not waste his time anatomizing them. I look for good solid reasons from the start, which will instruct me in how to sustain their attack.

I’m all for a cut-to-the-chase mentality, but I think the same things he complains about in Cicero may also render M. unable to grasp the life-changing-ness of art.

Since it’s almost Monday Afternoon Montaigne, I guess I’ll have to let this go for the moment.

Visitation

My family (my brother, his wife and their two kids) just concluded a two-week visit here. Given the amount of running around this sorta trip entails, and the fact that the kids are 4 and 7, I hesitate to call it a vacation.

We had a 4th birthday party for Sela on Saturday, over at my Dad’s. I was too busy reveling (okay, getting sprayed by silly string and going swimming) to take many pictures, but here’s my photoset. My wife took a lot more, and got the kids to “perform” a little, too.

I like to think I took the “candid” of the day, while my brother was making like Lawrence Welk with the bubble machine:

I think they had a good trip, and it’s always fun to spend time with the kids (in small doses before we flee back to the house and say, “How do they do it?”).

Dis-credit

I bought the DVDs of the first 2 seasons of News Radio a few months back. Amazon had it for around $15 (it’s $30 as I check now). It’s one of those shows that I never caught regularly, but every rerun I’ve stumbled across has made me laugh pretty hard. So, since we had a double-strikeout last night with Netflix — Art School Confidential (terrible: we gave up and turned it off after 40 minutes) and For Your Consideration (even worse: we gave up after 10 minutes) — we decided to go back to Foley, Tierney, Hartman, et al. and have some guaranteed laughs.

There are only two problems with watching News Radio nowadays, and they’re both in the credits:

and

To paraphrase Tom Petty, I can’t decide which is sadder.

Caption Contest

During the MLB All-Star game, a commercial aired for The Bigs, the new arcade-style baseball videogame. The following image graced our screen (the video of the commercial isn’t online, so I had to take a photo; sorry):

Sadly, I don’t even know where to begin with jokes about this image. So I need you, dear readers, to offer up your best/dumbest/most mean spirited captions for this image of Albert Pujols in a game called, um, “The Bigs.” Comment away!