Sacramento Kings

Predicted Record
22-60 (Tom), 19-63 (GR)

Last Year’s Record

Tom’s Commentary
You could do a whole commentary on new coach Reggie Theus, a player who once insured his face, maybe the last professional sports celebrity in America to keep an apartment in his town’s party district to allow better access to carousing and a coach with more years of head job experience on the TV show Hang Time than on a college bench. But I’m more of a player guy. The good news for Kings fans is that center Brad Miller returns to basketball after a year of fighting international crime syndicates in various world hotspots while a clumsy look-alike robot took his place on the Kings roster.

Unfortunately, other than Mr. Miller, this is a team whose other good players are Mike Bibby, Ron Artest and Shareef Abdur-Rahim — or, if you prefer, Streaky, Crazy and Pops. These are all players that a team might want to trade, although except for Artest the only teams interested in such trades play in those European leagues where they advertise right on the uniforms. I’d say it’s going to be a long winter in Sacramento, but I have to imagine every winter in Sacramento is a long one. The upside is no ESPN specials featuring the goofy-looking Maloof brothers flying to Vegas, eating steaks and sweating.

Rejoinder From Gil
Three years and $18 million for Mikki Moore? Are the Maloofs insane? (or are they trying to demolish the franchise, alienate the fan-base, and use that as justification to move the team to Vegas?)

Gratuitous Comics Connection
Sacramento is the domain of veteran editorial cartoonist Rex Babin.

Gratuitous Pharma Connection
Agilent Technologies actually refers to its “exciting gas chromatography column business” in a want ad.

The Bottom Line
Worst team in the west. Or, as Spud Webb greeted Mitch Richmond upon the latter’s trade to Sacto many years ago, “Welcome to hell.” –GR

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