Utah Jazz

Predicted Record
48-33 (Tom), 56-36 (Gil)

Last Year’s Record

Tom’s Commentary
I don’t really know why the Jazz will slip a few games in the standing this year, mostly because I have no idea how they won as many games as they did last year. Carlos Boozer and Deron Williams are fine players, but they’re not exactly the kind of guys you can imagine playing any better than they’re playing already. It’s hard to know how they play at all because to watch them is to fall asleep or turn the channel, even without meaning to. Boozer is so boring that his fine pop-culture pedigree of screwing over a blind man in Cleveland and having his house painted purple by Prince (who could ride around in Boozer’s shirt pocket) somehow become much more boring simply by his involvement.

Luckily, there’s Andrei Kirilenko, the emaciated Ivan Drago, who’s a few odd rotations and a bad foul call from pulling an Oliver McCall and having a nervous breakdown right on the court during a game with the New Orleans Hornets or something. Also, the Jazz lost some guard depth when the NBA mandated that Derek Fisher be shipped to Los Angeles to better exploit his sick child story.

Rejoinder From Gil
I don’t think I saw a single Jazz game last season, including the playoffs, but I always cheer for them now that Karl Malone is gone.
Gratuitous Comics Connection
One of the legitimately rare comics of the 1990s was a giveaway comic book for the movie SLC Punk!

Gratuitous Pharma Connection
The AAPS had its annual meeting in Salt Lake City in 2003. They’ve chosen some interesting locations. I’m glad that Nashville doesn’t have an NBA team.

The Bottom Line
Boozer stays healthy, AK-47 tries to figure out a way to get his contract voided so he can play in Russia for gigantic money, the Jazz coast to the NW Div title, push the Spurs for homecourt advantage in 2-3 playoff matchup, and then lose to them again in 5 games. –GR

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