I headed into NYC last night after work to pick up Amy after her office’s Christmas party. My company’s party is this afternoon, which’ll give me a nice break from that big-ol’ directory I’m laying out.
Our “holiday” party has had some entertainment over the years. I mean, in addition to the planned stuff, like our annual “Rodnac” rip-off of Carson’s “Carnac” routine, where we goof on various former employees. No, I’m talking about the astonishing levels of drunkenness that can only accompany an open bar at an unsuspecting restaurant.
In past years, we’ve seen one attendee “fall asleep” in a bar bathroom, another crawl into the back seat of an unlocked car (not her own) in the parking lot and “fall asleep” there, and a third who fell over on a serving table, shattering it and earning the scorn and laughter of . . . his wife.
So my question to you, dear readers is, “What’s the most embarrassing / funny thing you’ve ever seen at a work-related Christmas party?”
Hmmm … there’s the time I thought it would be a stellar idea to have a couple of straight Booker’s after wine and tequila with one of my work buddies. At some point, he face-planted into the coffee table, shattering glassware and sending paying customers fleeing; we were promptly kicked out. The next day I got an email from him, saying, “You’re the last person I remember talking to on Wednesday night. Everything kind of went black at some point & I don’t remember how I got home. All I know is that I woke up on my living room floor Thursday morning covered in candle wax. How much of an ass did I make of myself at the party? And how embarrassed should I be today?”
It is hard to top Amy’s, but I had a co-worker come to a small gathering at my house and, not even stone drunk, she managed to break two wine glasses, a two-foot high vase and an armchair.
I’ll tell on myself – I was at an office party, wearing a white wool jacket, and ordered a glass of red wine. As I spoke with someone near one of the dinner tables, I stepped on the edge of a protruding briefcase, causing myself to trip and fall backwards, landing right on my ass. However, like the Statue of Liberty, I kept that glass of red wine aloft and upright, spilling nary a drop. I think I would have been roundly mocked, had it not been for that accomplishment.
Me again. Just heard that a girl in finance got so pissed at last night’s party that she:
1. Dropped her glass at the bar,
2. Was the meat in a sandwich on the dance floor,
3. Cursed out our benefits coordinator, and
4. Completely broke down before being escorted out.
Turns out the firetruck and ambulance were called for someone at the bar next door, though.
Cecily’s comments remind me of the one and only time I met the late, great, Arthur Miller. I decided we were best friends and got very comfortable talking to him and then later in the evening, gesticuating wildly, I accidently threw a glass of red wine in his face. Lovely.
OK, mine happened the other day, Wednesday to be exact. My loved one was home with anemia… I had punched into my stupid Blackberry my regrets to my boss saying I needed to take a little time off from our “Holiday” swanky soiree to attend to her, as I care. I thanked my Boss and wished him well… Blackberry has no fucking spell check and I spelled anemia as “enima”…
Scooping my girlfreiend’s poop… My Boss hass is still giving me shit….
Wow. And given your loved one’s propensity for spelling mistakes, I REALLY hope you guys don’t write your own vows. . .
I’m going to tell on myself too…
Last Wednesday I lost my karaoke virginity at the work Christmas party. Aptly, the song I sang was “Like a Virgin”. Unfortunately I was singing it while the boss was trying to present an award to someone.