I haven’t written about the war that broke out between Israel and Lebanon this weekend because I don’t know what to say.
I feel like I did in the months after 9/11: tracking all the wheels-within-wheels, trying to understand who stands the most to gain from which actions, whose decisions may backfire, which groups will break from their traditional responses.
As you can guess, I’m paralyzed. All I can do is hope for the safety of my family and friends (including my buddy Mitch, who’s reporting from Beirut), and for a quick, decisive end to hostilities.
I don’t think that’s going to happen, but the status quo hasn’t been around for years.
With all the heaviness out of the way, I offer you proof that I’m still a retard who goes for cheap laughs.
When I read the front (and several inside) pages of the Times this morning, it read like end times rhetoric or the start of the Third World War. This is fucked. Hezbollah are nuts, and Israel isn’t instilling much confidence either. Guess that dream vacation to a slowly revitalizing Beirut is out of the question….
Unrelated: On HBO I just saw Ali G interviewing the head of the International Olympic Committee and thought I might pee my pants.
I’m getting no Armageddon vibe here at all, and I’m usually super-sensitive to it.
Really? Even I felt sorta end-timesy last Saturday.
But maybe that was just from too much Welsh rarebit.
Not a peep.
My End Times sense actually buzzed more at Bush being a weiner to Putin than it has with any of the troop movements and missle launches. I have no idea why.
In fact, the only thing I could think of when I saw Colbert talk about calling this World War 3 or World War 4 is that they really don’t do numbers any more so this should be called “World War: Armegeddo Sunrise” or something like that.
“World War: Reloaded”, perhaps? Or maybe “World War: The Remix”?
Maybe Tom is right. Perhaps I was confusing my feelings about Lebanon and Israel with my feelings about the rumor that Viacom is going to buy The Onion. WTF? Maybe we can get Wal-Mart to buy CBGB’s?
And look at how News Corp. wrecked Myspace! Oh, wait.
I don’t know a thing about the guys who founded the Onion, but if they’re near my age and temperament, I can easily imagine them being willing to sell and roll around in money for a while.
Viacom buying the Onion reminds me of Pele joining the Cosmos. As all the great work’s been done and the knees could go to shit any second, I won’t begrudge that last stab for a lunchbox.
I just received an e-mail (forwarded to me by my cousin Deborah) from a Lebanese woman who is now hiding in the mountains. I may be off in terms of the Lebanese relationship with Hezbollah, but until I am corrected by someone who knows more, this is how I see the situation.
Dear Deb,
I am in the US so I don’t know how this is going over in Turkey. I will go back on July 31.
There is one thing I should point out … the author claims that this is a war against Lebanon, not hezbollah. And that mossad has no right to assassinate Lebanese citizens, etc. The problem is, for YEARS–and even now–Lebanon has allowed Hezbollah to operate freely within its borders. Indeed, the Lebanese government supports Hezbollah. Perhaps some of its members BELONG to Hezbollah, I am not sure but even now, they have not once mentioned expelling Hezbollah from the country and that is what they will have to do if they expect the bombs to stop falling. I am not saying I agree with the Israelis or that I support war, but I am sure that Israel has Bush’s secret support no matter what he says to the world; Israel is doing to Lebanon what the US did to Afghanistan and Iraq.
I did not protest the action in Afghanistan–the Taliban had it coming. Hezbollah, as I know from living in Turkey, is a hideously fundamentalist group–they murdered dozens of Turkish citizens over the years, including a Turkish woman who was outspoken about her belief that women should be allowed to be imams (muslim priests). They found her bones under a house, I believe, along with the bones of many other “liberal” muslims.
I have no sympathy for Hezbollah.
I have little sympathy for countries who support Hezbollah.
I have great sympathy for innocents caught in the policies of various governments. However, not once did the author of this e-mail address the problem of Hizbullah–which is how the Turks spell it as well, I believe. I would like to hear what she has to say about them.
There are my two cents.
Vince
PS — I think we are looking at the crest of the wave of the future in dealing with terrorism: they have “safe havens,” home-base countries. The message the Israelis and the US have been sending to these countries is: the consequences of supporting terrorists are not remotely worth it.