Flaunt My (Un)Funbags

In the “I wish I’d made this up” department, the following press release just rolled through my healthcare newswire:

Scots Men Get the Issue of Moobs Off Their Chests in Time for Summer – Male Surgery in Scotland Sees 80 Per Cent Growth

GLASGOW, Scotland, June 17 /PRNewswire/ — Transform Cosmetic Surgery Group has revealed that despite the drooping economy Scots men are opting to perk themselves up this summer by booking in for moob removal surgery and finally getting their insecurities off their chests.

Transform revealed that although there has been a 44 per cent increase in the procedure across the UK, the group’s Scottish clinics have seen the popularity of the procedure increase by 80 per cent from 2007 with 40 operations being carried out in 2008 compared to 2007’s 22.

Transform’s Scottish clinics also found that the number of enquiries for the procedure ballooned in the spring time from men who were preparing to shed layers of clothing during the Scottish summer months.

You really need to read the whole thing. I guess I need to have Boob Week on this site sometime.

Rufus See Well

Last week (?) (seriously, I can’t keep track of days anymore), the police officer who handled the report for Rufus’ dog-attack case stopped by. Because of that letter I got from the Akita’s owners stating that Rufus had walked into their yard, I wanted to check with the officer that the report hadn’t been changed from the once I’d received. He supported the initial report and said that nothing had been changed; the Akita (King) attacked Ru outside the property.

We talked for a bit after that; it turns out that the policeman is a neighbor of ours (which answers the question of why I occasionally see a squad car parked in the driveway of a nearby house), and had seen the Akita unattended in its yard many times. Also, he was glad to see that Rufus was alright, because he last saw our boy the night of the attack, and things looked pretty bad.

Near the end of our conversation, I said, “Y’know what burns my ass? It’s been more than 3 weeks since their dog ripped the hell out of Rufus’ leg, and they haven’t asked once how he’s doing. I can understand them not wanting to come by, but not even a note?”

He said, “That tells you who they are.”

“That it does.”

Today I discovered that it was probably better that they stayed away.

Continue reading “Rufus See Well”

You COULD call it viral. . .

Last week, I posted about the Leroy Smith viral marketing campaign, which I thought was a hoot. At that time, I mentioned that I frequent the basketball website realgm.com.

One of my other regular destinations is Page 6, the gossip section of the New York Post. It’s one of the few ways I have to stay in touch with the popcult, since I don’t watch a lot of TV and haven’t listened to the radio in my car in a few years. I enjoy seeing the bold-faced names and reading of their canoodling, even if I’m not sure who’s whom. The blind items can be pretty entertaining, too.

But sometimes the ads catch my eye. They’re usually for Broadway musicals or condos. Sometimes, the ads for a TV show like 90210 take over the entire page.

And sometimes you get Denise Richards.

When I saw the animated tower ad this weekend for the second (!?) season of Denise Richards’ reality show on E!, “It’s Complicated”, I assumed I was looking at a parody ad for one of those “Scary Movie” flicks. Why? Because this was the first of three slogans/catchphrases:

funbag

“Flaunt my funbags.” Oh, I’m sorry. I mean, “FLAUNT MY FUNBAGS.”

I, uh, wow. I don’t have anything to add. Anyone help me out here?

What It Is: 6/15/09

What I’m reading: Finished Tatsumi’s Good-Bye collection, and holy crap did he turn dark in 1971-2! Also, started Plutarch’s life of Timoleon.

What I’m listening to: My iTunes library, on shuffle. I’ve been working at home a lot (keeping an eye on Rufus), so I haven’t been driving much. Hence, not much music.

What I’m watching: Adam’s Rib, Solaris (Soderbergh, not Tarkovsky), and Hellboy II: The Golden Army.

What I’m drinking: Miller’s & Q Tonic, and Bardolino Chiaretto 2007 rosé.

What Rufus is up to: Recovering faster than we could’ve hoped, and back to his full (1- to 1.5-mile) walks! If he gets his endurance up by next weekend, we’ll take him out for a Sunday grey-hike!

Where I’m going: Nowhere. It’s a thrilling life, I tellsya.

What I’m happy about: That my wife, half-watching this trailer on Robert Wilonsky’s Ultimate Trailer Show (which really should have its own website), perked up after a few seconds and said, “Oh, it’s the other guy from that Peter Riegert movie!” Which would be Local Hero. Which would be yet another reason why I love her so.

Also, we took one look at this movie —

— and she said, “It’s your boyfriend, Sam Rockwell!” Oh, and she took care of Rufus for a few hours on Saturday while I went out, ran some errands, and had a little time alone.

What I’m sad about: That Timoleon had to let his friends kill his brother Timophanes. (Seriously: Plutarch’s story of his life is just amazing, especially when he gets to the segment about Dionysus the younger’s post-tyrant life in Corinth.)

What I’m worried about: That I’ll go ever stir-crazier, working at home.

What I’m pondering: Whether Mickael Pietrus is lying about being French and is actually from Rapa Nui.

We dance on the strings of powers we cannot perceive

On Monday, I mentioned a passage that intrigued me in Plutarch’s life of Coriolanus. I find the Lives in general pretty entertaining (which is why I’m still reading them: duh) and informative (because I know almost zero about Roman history, while my knowledge of Greek history is awfully spotty). In addition the “historical facts” of his biographies (depending on what you think of his accuracy), Plutarch also has some awesome digressions about history, character, and, in this case, the role of the gods and free will in Homer’s poetry.

Discussing how Coriolanus’ mom and wife got it into their heads to gather the women of Rome and implore the general directly to spare the city that ostracized him, Plutarch ascribes a sort of divine inspiration, which leads to the passage that I mentioned:

[A]t last a thing happened not unlike what we so often find represented — without, however, being accepted as true by people in general — in Homer. On some great and unusual occasion we find him say, “But him the blue-eyed goddess did inspire;” and elsewhere, “But some immortal turned my mind away, / To think what others of the deed would say;” and again, “Were’t his own thought or were’t a god’s command?”

People are apt, in such passages, to censure and disregard the poet, as if, by the introduction of mere impossibilities and idle fictions, he were denying the action of a man’s own deliberate though and free choice; which is not, in the least, the case in Homer’s representation, where the ordinary, probably, and habitual conclusions that common reason leads to are continually ascribed to our own direct agency. He certainly says frequently enough, “But I consulted with my own great soul;” or, as in another passage, “He spoke. Achilles, with quick pain possessed, / Resolved two purposes in his strong breast;” and in a third, “—Yet never to her wishes won / The just mind of the brave Bellerophon.”

But where the act is something out of the way and extraordinary, and seems in a manner to demand some impulse of divine possession and sudden inspiration to account for it, here he does introduce divine agency, not to destroy, but to prompt the human will; not to create in us another agency, but offering images to stimulate our own; images that in no sort or kind make our action involuntary, but give occasion rather to spontaneous action, aided and sustained by feelings of confidence and hope. For either we must totally dismiss and exclude divine influences from every kind of causality and origination in what we do, or else what other way can we conceive in which divine aid and cooperation can act? Certainly we cannot suppose that the divine beings actually and literally turn our bodies and direct our hands and our feet this way and that, to do what is right: it is obvious that they must actuate the practical and elective element of our nature, by certain initial occasions, by images presented to the imagination, and thoughts suggested to the mind, such either as to excite it to, or avert and withhold it from, any particular course.

I still have problems with understanding the instances in Homer where the gods take physical roles in the action (especially in the Iliad), but I thought this was a pretty graceful effort at reconciling the role of gods in free will.

As a bonus, it ties back to the previous post I wrote about Plutarch’s life of Pericles. Here, he explains that the role of his Lives is to inspire virtue by recounting the virtues:

[V]irtue, by the bare statement of its actions, can so affect men’s minds as to create at once both admiration of the things done and desire to imitate the doers of them. The goods of fortune we would possess and would enjoy; those of virtue we long to practice and exercise; we are content to receive the former from others, the latter we wish others to experience from us.

It sounds to me like he’s saying that the gods are responsible for inspiring our extraordinary actions through their images, but also that the Lives can help inspire the mundane (earthly) virtues. Let me know if it sounds like that to you, esp. if you’ve read more of the Lives and can clue me in on some of the meta of what Plutarch’s doing.

Rufus Unzipped!

One more vet appointment, one step closer on the Rufus Road To Recovery! I took Ru down to the animal hospital this afternoon to see what they think of his recovery from surgery 10 days ago. I thought the wounds were both healing well, but I’m no vet, so I kept my enthusiasm to myself. I was happy that even the assistants, after one look at his scars and stitches in the lobby (where they all came out to see him), beamed and said, “That looks great!”

The vet, too, was thrilled at Ru’s recovery. The wounds progressed well enough that he removed nearly all the stitches, leaving only 3 or 4 in at the two areas where the skin is still scabbed over and healing. These were near the center of both wounds, where the skin was too tight to stitch the sides together fully. He used a couple of dissolving stitches in those spots, but also left a few regular ones in place to reinforce the area near them.

We made an appointment for next Thursday to remove the rest of them, and the vet’s quite hopeful that it’ll be the last time we need to come around for a while.

He added that we can basically go back to regular activity, which is good, since Ru & I actually took his full 1.1-mile walk earlier in the day (he insisted!). If the weather’s cool on Sunday morning, maybe we’ll try bringing him up to the greyhound hike in Wawayanda.

On top of that, he doesn’t think there’s much damage Rufus can inflict on himself if I finally leave him on his own for an hour. So I may build up the nerve to do just that and let him enjoy the silence.

(Update: On second thought, the vet feels like we oughtta make sure he doesn’t lick at his wound too much, for fear of wearing away some of the scar tissue. So we’re gonna stay attached at the hip for a while more. And he’s way too conked-out after a 1-mile walk this evening for me to believe he’ll be in shape to handle Wawayanda tihs weekend. We’ll put that on hold.)

Motivize, Pulverize and Realize

Dear readers, I’m sorry I didn’t offer up any sorta NBA playoffs preview or predictions this year. I didn’t watch much hoops during the season, although a couple of the playoff series were pretty entertaining.

Anyway, to make up for it, I offer you a pair of basketball-specific links.

First, here’s J.A. Adande’s examination of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar’s signature shot, the Skyhook. It’s a pretty entertaining piece, once it gets past the iconic nature of the shot and gets into the mechanics of it and how Kareem refined it to the point where he was dropping in Skyhooks from 12-15 feet out.

I really enjoyed the video that accompanies the piece, especially because I noticed something I never picked up on when I watched Kareem as a kid (even in Airplane!): he always gathered up the ball in both hands around waist-level before taking the shot. Now I’m trying to figure out if:

a) he had small hands and couldn’t palm the ball off the dribble and go straight into the hook,

b) there was some benefit to using two hands to control the ball,

c) it was actually a vulnerability, rendering him susceptible to getting stripped of the ball (a vulnerability nullified by the fact that a second defender trying to get at the ball would literally have to be on the opposite side of the main defender).

Anyway, if you’re a hoops aficionado, I bet you’ll enjoy the article and the video. (And you’ll probably make fun of Kareem in the comments section of this post.)

* * *

And that brings me to . . . Leroy Smith.

For a few weeks now, I’ve been seeing bizarrely cheesy 80’s-looking tower ads about a motivational speaker named Leroy Smith on realgm.com. I never clicked through them until this week, when I realized that the big black guy with the funny balding pattern looked weirdly familiar.

I clicked on one of the ads, and discovered that Leroy Smith is . . . none other than the man who beat out Michael Jordan for the last spot on the varsity basketball team back in high school, inspiring Jordan to become the greatest basketball player of all time! (Okay, it’s actually Charlie Murphy, the man who beat Rick James’ ass multiple times.)

I don’t consider myself a target for viral ads, but this has to be one of the funniest campaigns ever. Hoops fan or not, you NEED to go to this site, watch the videos, and experience the full splendor of Leroy Smith and his Motivizing tools. I’ve even signed his petition — he wants to get into the Basketball Hall of Fame alongside Jordan — and downloaded his iMotivator app for my iPhone.

Daddy wants his keys back!

leroyfire

Ru-news

I haven’t written a Rufus-specific post since Sunday! You must be dyin’ for news!

There’s no major news. He seems to be recovering well, and is showing less and less inclination to nosh on his stitches. He still tries to get at the one unstitched area, but that’s healing over pretty well, too. He’s back to his “I’ll follow you to every room, Dad!” mode, and I’m back to putting a gate on the top of the stairs so he doesn’t follow me down when I’m getting his food or doing laundry.

I’ve started taking him out of the yard for increasingly longer walks, although I don’t want to take him on the full 1.1-mile loop of our neighborhood yet. Last night, after a bathroom break in the yard, he tried bolting back toward the house, another sign that he’s getting impatient with the slow pace I’ve been pushing on him. He’s also less likely to let me carry him up the stairs, another practice we got into to keep him from putting too much strain on his stitches.

That said, his patch-up seems to be holding together really well. We have a vet appt. on Friday afternoon, at which I’m hoping they’ll decide to take his stitches out and clear him for full activity. I miss getting out on walks, and I know he’s a-pinin’ to meet more neighbors and get more pity-scratchies.

0-fer 20th century edition

Because I’m not some commie pinko, I don’t listen to NPR. So I don’t know if Dick Meyer has worthwhile literary opinions or not. What I do know is that he posted this list of his top English-language novels written last century.

He organized the list in terms of “how much the book hit me, moved me, made me see — and how it stuck with me.” He listed Joyce’s A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man at #1, and History of Love by Nicole Krauss (0-fer!) at #100.

I, on the other hand, reorganized his list in terms of whether I’ve read ’em, whether I’ve at least read something by the author, and whether they’re on my 0-fer list.

Since some authors have multiple books on his list, the 0-fer numbers won’t add up to 100, but hey:

I’ve read 32 of the books on his list, at least something by 12 other authors, and my 0-fer list is a remarkable 50 titles! (but only 45 authors, because of dupes)

Wanna see what’s what? Just click “more”!

Continue reading “0-fer 20th century edition”