Okay: last week, I wrote about Page 6 and how we rank the Baldwins. If you go through the comments, you’ll find some debate over who’s the “least-known” Baldwin. (There’s also a great comment/anecdote from my buddy Tom.)
My ranking runs as follows: Alec, Daniel, Stephen, and Billy. There’s some debate over the bottom two, but I figured Daniel was fairly ensconced in that #2 slot.
Then comes today’s Page 6, with the following item:
DANIEL Baldwin, the blow-loving black sheep of the Baldwin brothers, has been arrested again on drug charges. Cops say they were responding to a loud noise coming from Baldwin’s room at the Ocean Park Inn in Santa Monica the other day, when they found him holding a drug pipe. Baldwin, 45, and another man, Anthony Hunter, 52 — who was reportedly hiding in the bathroom — were also found in possession of a “small amount of cocaine,” police said. Baldwin spent the night in jail and posted $10,000 bail the next day. The least-known Baldwin brother last made headlines when he had a drug-induced meltdown during the filming of the VH1 reality show, “Celebrity Fit Club.” In 1998, Daniel was found running naked, high on crack cocaine, through the Plaza hotel. Cops were called following complaints that the actor was watching porno movies with the sound turned up loud. After being hospitalized for an overdose, he pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct and was sentenced to three months in drug rehab. Baldwin has admitted battling a cocaine addiction since 1989, shortly after he started his career in Hollywood.
Now, I just don’t know what’s what. Daniel as least-known? When Billy’s biggest movies were Sliver and Fair Game (which was derived from the same novel as Cobra?
So, when all else fails, I will try to re-establish Billy Baldwin’s least-known status with the following series of pictures:
You’re leaving off Backdraft, the movie that made us hate firemen.
Daniel’s least-known for his work on celluloid, but has the best “tag”: “The Fat One.” Way better than “the pretty one” or “the crazy one.” For guys, anyway. So good Alec is muscling in.
Daniel’s secondary tag of “The Druggie One” is also better than “The one married to what’s her face, the pretty one in that one girl group with that one big chick” or “The one that likes Jesus.”
Billy and Stephen are exactly tied when it comes to famousity, incidentally, with one difference. While you’ll have to remind the average person who each is before they’ll admit to knowing who they are, the reactions are slightly different.
Stephen:
“Oh. That guy. Huh.”
Billy:
“Oh. That guy. Fuck that guy.”